This morning I woke up to after twelve hours of driving to a helpless sight: seeing my wife look at me with tears welling in her eyes.
"I think it's another ectopic pregnancy." MIchele went on to explain her theories and deep in my heart we have only a slim chance of pulling this thing off because the doctors already called with some bad prognosis.
I know it's going to be a difficult day for her. It's going to weigh on her mind all day. She'll see kids and she's hearing how everyone is pregnant with healthy babies, but us. This is our second try this year and the first time around, Michele almost lost her life.
I am sitting this morning don't know what to think: it's both overcast and gloomy. I just want to hold my wife and that's it. I got no words to say. There's nothing to say. I know the pain of this prognosis is alright: it means we 'feel' life. Life is of joy and pain - and pain reminds me that somewhere along this blue, and greens spinning globe this isn't the 'end all' of life.
Makes me ache for relief and closure. It drives me towards something, but my heart rests with my wife. I chat with God alot during this time. People offer their best, but there's nothing like knowing God is there.
Yet, I am reminded right now my heart just aches for my love: there's nothing more humbling than watching the tears roll down your wife's face and there's nothing you can do to stop the rain.
Oct 27, 2009
Oct 12, 2009
Hope
You truly can't live without hope.
Hope is indeed the driving catalyst of life. You don't raise your children with the expectation they'll turn out to be hooked on crack without a job. You don't go to work without the expectation of being paid and advancing somewhere. You don't wait for that email from that cute girl without the expectation of going out with her. Finally, you don't hold out in a concentration camp without the expectation of freedom.
It's ironic in life we live by faith on a daily basis because regardless if you are religious in nature or not, deep within us we long for differenct results, or change. We are built to long for something better.
Yet, if you take God entirely out of the picture and admit life is so much you can control you are living by faith everyday.
Living without hope will kill you - read about former concentration camp prisoners who died simply because they lost the expectation of getting out. Their hope was killed. Or today, people applying for jobs and being turned down hundreds of times are now depressed because they concluded it's over.
When it's 'over' your heart dies.
There must always be hope. Our previous U.S. election was about that. People were tired of the war, the economy and wanted change. They hope for something better.
But there's only so much a man can do. Even the president of the United States cannot lift you out of a personal family grief or even a lost job.
The real question is: what is the true Promiser of humanity's hope? Presidents die and at best your hope is eight years. Companies change and your hope of retirement is gone. Troubles come and boy, do they - where's hope when personal trials and grief rolls in like a tidal wave?
Fact is we need hope. We live by hope.
That's why on a daily basis I EXPECT change and that expectation's strength is only as good as the person you put your faith into. It can't be temporary. No one buys a life insurance policy for five years and nobody makes retirement plans that works until you're seventy.
We need lasting hope, I know I do. I can't live with a mere ten years of hope or even twenty. Life would be depressing.
How about hope that last for an eternity?
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead. 1 Peter 1:3
Hope is indeed the driving catalyst of life. You don't raise your children with the expectation they'll turn out to be hooked on crack without a job. You don't go to work without the expectation of being paid and advancing somewhere. You don't wait for that email from that cute girl without the expectation of going out with her. Finally, you don't hold out in a concentration camp without the expectation of freedom.
It's ironic in life we live by faith on a daily basis because regardless if you are religious in nature or not, deep within us we long for differenct results, or change. We are built to long for something better.
Yet, if you take God entirely out of the picture and admit life is so much you can control you are living by faith everyday.
Living without hope will kill you - read about former concentration camp prisoners who died simply because they lost the expectation of getting out. Their hope was killed. Or today, people applying for jobs and being turned down hundreds of times are now depressed because they concluded it's over.
When it's 'over' your heart dies.
There must always be hope. Our previous U.S. election was about that. People were tired of the war, the economy and wanted change. They hope for something better.
But there's only so much a man can do. Even the president of the United States cannot lift you out of a personal family grief or even a lost job.
The real question is: what is the true Promiser of humanity's hope? Presidents die and at best your hope is eight years. Companies change and your hope of retirement is gone. Troubles come and boy, do they - where's hope when personal trials and grief rolls in like a tidal wave?
Fact is we need hope. We live by hope.
That's why on a daily basis I EXPECT change and that expectation's strength is only as good as the person you put your faith into. It can't be temporary. No one buys a life insurance policy for five years and nobody makes retirement plans that works until you're seventy.
We need lasting hope, I know I do. I can't live with a mere ten years of hope or even twenty. Life would be depressing.
How about hope that last for an eternity?
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead. 1 Peter 1:3
A Brutal Love
What do you say to a sight of the warm embrace of a mother and child?
Does not your heart move to the scene a love story on the big screen,
It surround us so with the love of life that we see and breathe,
Yet the greatest and most mysterious is not the love of Calvary?
The pounding of the hammer, blood down the wooden beam...
It's a brutal love for you and me, it's a brutal love for you and me
Ponder the silence of the Father's heart sending his joy to us,
Only to see the coldness of our rejection and the shield of our illusion,
A collision of two worlds - truth for lies, humility moves against our pride,
While we walk in our sorrow down that long path with death in our eyes,
The Father lets him go to a screaming humanity wanting our ways,
Lift him high we cried, we reject this offering of hope and joy,
Heaven weeps a shower upon the earth to wash her clean,
For a people so desperately lost in a myriad of broken dreams,
The pounding of the hammer, blood down the wooden beam...
It's a brutal love for you and me, it's a brutal love for you and me
(driving in the rain, i could not keep out 'brutal love' in my mind, and want to remember that we must forget a love so mysterious, wonderful, beautiful and brutal)
Does not your heart move to the scene a love story on the big screen,
It surround us so with the love of life that we see and breathe,
Yet the greatest and most mysterious is not the love of Calvary?
The pounding of the hammer, blood down the wooden beam...
It's a brutal love for you and me, it's a brutal love for you and me
Ponder the silence of the Father's heart sending his joy to us,
Only to see the coldness of our rejection and the shield of our illusion,
A collision of two worlds - truth for lies, humility moves against our pride,
While we walk in our sorrow down that long path with death in our eyes,
The Father lets him go to a screaming humanity wanting our ways,
Lift him high we cried, we reject this offering of hope and joy,
Heaven weeps a shower upon the earth to wash her clean,
For a people so desperately lost in a myriad of broken dreams,
The pounding of the hammer, blood down the wooden beam...
It's a brutal love for you and me, it's a brutal love for you and me
(driving in the rain, i could not keep out 'brutal love' in my mind, and want to remember that we must forget a love so mysterious, wonderful, beautiful and brutal)