Heaven is the face of a little girl
With dark brown eyes
That disappear when she smiles.
Heaven is the place
Where she calls my name
Says, “Daddy please come play with me for awhile.”
God, I know, it’s all of this and so much more,
But God, You know, that this is what I’m aching for.
God, you know, I just can’t see beyond the door.
So right now...
Heaven is the sound of her breathing deep,
Lying on my chest, falling fast asleep while I sing.
And Heaven is the weight of her in my arms,
Being there to keep her safe from harm while she dreams
And God, I know, it’s all of this and so much more,
But God, You know, that this is what I’m longing for
God, you know, I just can’t see beyond the door.
But in my mind’s eye I can see a place
Where Your glory fills every empty space.
All the cancer is gone,
Every mouth is fed,
And there’s no one left in the orphans’ bed.
Every lonely heart finds their one true love,
And there’s no more goodbye,
And no more not enough,
And there’s no more enemy (no more).
Heaven is a sweet, maple syrup kiss
And a thousand other little things I miss with her gone.
Heaven is the place where she takes my hand
And leads me to You,
And we both run into Your arms.
Oh God, I know, it’s so much more than I can dream.
It’s far beyond anything I can conceive.
So God, You know, I’m trusting You until I see
Heaven in the face of my little girl,
Heaven in the face of my little girl.
SCC
Nov 29, 2009
Nov 28, 2009
Thanksgiving
When bad thing happen, there's revelation. Sometimes sorrows brings a new vision of thankfulness - that clarity you may have forgotten.
I finally had a chance to settle down and write what I am thankful for.
I am thankful for my mother and father-in-law. They drove down early to spend the morning with us during Michele's surgery. They could have stayed at home, but they spent time with us. My mother-in-law is amazing woman, and many days I have deep, deep appreciation for her and the same with my father-in-law: he's an amazing man. A true grandfather who is studying to get his pilot's license, but the amount of wisdom and service he provides to everyone is amazing. I think many times we take people like this granted.
My family. Anytime something bad happens my sisters shine. During this time of sorrow they have stood by me and my parents. My baby sister's calls and my other sister's generosity is always a level of support and comfort I am truly grateful for.
My church family. The amount of phone calls, emails and support offering dinners and meals have been touching. They haven't skirted around the issue - they embraced it and made it their own. People have cried with us...listened to us and extended themselves with love. I am very grateful for a community of friends on this journey of faith.
Ironically, the Facebook friends. The sincerity of it all truly touched me. Al, a man I read about wrote to me and offered both phone numbers (home and cell) to listen to at any hour to Cheryl - a remarkable woman that I didn't know very well, but took time to write beautiful words to comforted my heart. And Tanya - one of those friends that you drop off in contact for years and the moment you communicate it's like where you left off.
My extended in-laws. This Thanksgiving with my nephew and niece brought me back to childhood - life is simpler and care free with more laughter. My nephew made me smile through my sorrows - he reminded me so much of me.
I am thankful for God. His peace and healing in my life is a constant source of re-focus. When the world falls apart, or when the sun shines I know this life isn't about me. It's about Him. He is a source of hope, and purpose.
Lastly, I am thankful for my wife. Life is hard. But the person you have the opportunity to go through life's valleys and mountain peaks is the real privilege of it all.
I finally had a chance to settle down and write what I am thankful for.
I am thankful for my mother and father-in-law. They drove down early to spend the morning with us during Michele's surgery. They could have stayed at home, but they spent time with us. My mother-in-law is amazing woman, and many days I have deep, deep appreciation for her and the same with my father-in-law: he's an amazing man. A true grandfather who is studying to get his pilot's license, but the amount of wisdom and service he provides to everyone is amazing. I think many times we take people like this granted.
My family. Anytime something bad happens my sisters shine. During this time of sorrow they have stood by me and my parents. My baby sister's calls and my other sister's generosity is always a level of support and comfort I am truly grateful for.
My church family. The amount of phone calls, emails and support offering dinners and meals have been touching. They haven't skirted around the issue - they embraced it and made it their own. People have cried with us...listened to us and extended themselves with love. I am very grateful for a community of friends on this journey of faith.
Ironically, the Facebook friends. The sincerity of it all truly touched me. Al, a man I read about wrote to me and offered both phone numbers (home and cell) to listen to at any hour to Cheryl - a remarkable woman that I didn't know very well, but took time to write beautiful words to comforted my heart. And Tanya - one of those friends that you drop off in contact for years and the moment you communicate it's like where you left off.
My extended in-laws. This Thanksgiving with my nephew and niece brought me back to childhood - life is simpler and care free with more laughter. My nephew made me smile through my sorrows - he reminded me so much of me.
I am thankful for God. His peace and healing in my life is a constant source of re-focus. When the world falls apart, or when the sun shines I know this life isn't about me. It's about Him. He is a source of hope, and purpose.
Lastly, I am thankful for my wife. Life is hard. But the person you have the opportunity to go through life's valleys and mountain peaks is the real privilege of it all.
Nov 27, 2009
My amazing wife...
Michele was getting ready for surgery.
I looked at her, and just before her parents arrived I looked at her and I found my eyes welling with tears. I whispered, "You've been through so much."
My heart hurt for just a moment. Last time I almost lost her and this time we find ourselves in the hospital once again.
Then the thought dawn on me - I wanted 2009 to end in happiness because my wife is awesome.
No, she's never been one to want 'shine in the spotlight' but very few people know the pure gold this woman truly is. Yes, every husband SHOULD say that about their wives, but I've been fortunate to glimpse into the beauty of her soul.
Michele certainly has her grandmother's faith. A quiet, noble, dignify spirit about her. She rarely draws attention to herself, but deep down there is a passionate woman about things that matter her. I love watching her eyes blaze about issues that she cares deeply about or situations related to injustices. There's a tough realist in her which if you ever pout, or whine you'll find little sympathy but a swift butt kick to get your act together.
Yet, when poverty or the cold winter of life cause tragic or trials to a person you'll never guess she was behind those prayers for you. Those thoughts and that heart beseeching on your behalf - I've seen my wife quietly pray over her list of people ranging from cancer fighters to people who just need a hug from God.
My wife is the reason for 'crazy giving': I've seen her sacrifice so she can send more money to children. My wife will give up whatever it takes to give and in our marriage she has been the heartbeat of us a couple to charity we support. What we gave in some years caused me to pee my pants like a first grader, but her continual faithfulness and wisdom have brought us financial stability because of her we live a more balanced life of not spending money on things that don't matter.
Michele through out this trial never compromised her faith. She has been stronger than even me. She whispered to me, "We have the joy of the Lord." That statement is startling because I've seen her humanity and faith mixed, but her integrity of our faith and what is true has never been shaken. She's more than ready to admit we need something more than 'inner strength' in life. Her inner character just blew me away this year. She has a strength that is like a flower upon a windy hill bending but not breaking. This year I've leaned on her for comfort and strength.
My wife is strong and consistent, but she's not as predictable as you think: twice in my life she shocked me. One was the year after we're married and we were talking about vacationing and her eyes sparkled like a child as she smirked, "Let's see if we can get into a cage and play with the Great White." The only "Great White" I know was the meat-loving predator that inspired fear with it's razor teeth and supreme hunting skills: SHARK. Yup, when most dudes would just make a mess in their pants my wife wants to snuggle up with a killer for vacation. The other thing that she wanted to do before she got pregnant was doing the most crazy thing: jumping out of a perfectly mechanically-sound plane for fun. Yup, skydiving.
In all this, the trials have d stripped the distractions of life and put a clarity in my vision of my wife.
She's a great gift. People look at us and may see me in the spotlight, but she's the better half of our marriage. She hides my flaws and makes me look good. I honestly know what a privilege, and honor it is to be her husband. She quietly loves me without pomp or circumstance: for crying out, this woman is so careful with our money she refused to buy clothes to save money. She wore the same jeans since college, and I'm sure she looks just as lovely as she is now as then. I finally put my foot down and said with a smile, "We are going out with several hundred dollars to update your wardrobe sweetie because you deserve it and you need some pampering."
I'm very fortunate she came into my life. That's why the monthly flowers, the little notes and butterfly kisses I give is just a small token of my deep, deep gratitude of blessing this amazing woman is to me.
Michele Ann, you are amazing, and as I keep this blog alive for our kids and our grandchildren may it continually be a testament to the world of who we are and what holds us together.
**
I looked at her, and just before her parents arrived I looked at her and I found my eyes welling with tears. I whispered, "You've been through so much."
My heart hurt for just a moment. Last time I almost lost her and this time we find ourselves in the hospital once again.
Then the thought dawn on me - I wanted 2009 to end in happiness because my wife is awesome.
No, she's never been one to want 'shine in the spotlight' but very few people know the pure gold this woman truly is. Yes, every husband SHOULD say that about their wives, but I've been fortunate to glimpse into the beauty of her soul.
Michele certainly has her grandmother's faith. A quiet, noble, dignify spirit about her. She rarely draws attention to herself, but deep down there is a passionate woman about things that matter her. I love watching her eyes blaze about issues that she cares deeply about or situations related to injustices. There's a tough realist in her which if you ever pout, or whine you'll find little sympathy but a swift butt kick to get your act together.
Yet, when poverty or the cold winter of life cause tragic or trials to a person you'll never guess she was behind those prayers for you. Those thoughts and that heart beseeching on your behalf - I've seen my wife quietly pray over her list of people ranging from cancer fighters to people who just need a hug from God.
My wife is the reason for 'crazy giving': I've seen her sacrifice so she can send more money to children. My wife will give up whatever it takes to give and in our marriage she has been the heartbeat of us a couple to charity we support. What we gave in some years caused me to pee my pants like a first grader, but her continual faithfulness and wisdom have brought us financial stability because of her we live a more balanced life of not spending money on things that don't matter.
Michele through out this trial never compromised her faith. She has been stronger than even me. She whispered to me, "We have the joy of the Lord." That statement is startling because I've seen her humanity and faith mixed, but her integrity of our faith and what is true has never been shaken. She's more than ready to admit we need something more than 'inner strength' in life. Her inner character just blew me away this year. She has a strength that is like a flower upon a windy hill bending but not breaking. This year I've leaned on her for comfort and strength.
My wife is strong and consistent, but she's not as predictable as you think: twice in my life she shocked me. One was the year after we're married and we were talking about vacationing and her eyes sparkled like a child as she smirked, "Let's see if we can get into a cage and play with the Great White." The only "Great White" I know was the meat-loving predator that inspired fear with it's razor teeth and supreme hunting skills: SHARK. Yup, when most dudes would just make a mess in their pants my wife wants to snuggle up with a killer for vacation. The other thing that she wanted to do before she got pregnant was doing the most crazy thing: jumping out of a perfectly mechanically-sound plane for fun. Yup, skydiving.
In all this, the trials have d stripped the distractions of life and put a clarity in my vision of my wife.
She's a great gift. People look at us and may see me in the spotlight, but she's the better half of our marriage. She hides my flaws and makes me look good. I honestly know what a privilege, and honor it is to be her husband. She quietly loves me without pomp or circumstance: for crying out, this woman is so careful with our money she refused to buy clothes to save money. She wore the same jeans since college, and I'm sure she looks just as lovely as she is now as then. I finally put my foot down and said with a smile, "We are going out with several hundred dollars to update your wardrobe sweetie because you deserve it and you need some pampering."
I'm very fortunate she came into my life. That's why the monthly flowers, the little notes and butterfly kisses I give is just a small token of my deep, deep gratitude of blessing this amazing woman is to me.
Michele Ann, you are amazing, and as I keep this blog alive for our kids and our grandchildren may it continually be a testament to the world of who we are and what holds us together.
**
Nov 24, 2009
I miss you
You know how you hear things...and you shake it off thinking it's not like that? That doubt, or that consternation of you knowing better?
That phrase, "...a breaking heart." is more real to me now.
My heart DOES break. I drove actually feeling GRIEF in a physical manner I've never felt before.
I miss you my child.
I miss wanting to hold you with eyes welling with tears of joy, I miss the opportunity to kiss your forehead as daddy says goodnight, I miss most of all the opportunity to hold you gazing into your eyes wondering if you look like dad or mom?
***
Finding the loss of my child, I do feel physical pain. I've been trying not to think about it because there's too much work to be done. But when vacation starts...I know it's like a glass heart: the moments of life strikes it and then a fissures starts this spider web of cracks.
That spider web of crack will grow and then you feel more of each day. I find myself losing to moments of grief. It comes and goes.
The loss this time is great. If things went accordingly to my plans: Michele and I would be the proud parents of two children. Instead, we're left staring into the room with a crib, changing station and rocker with no child to lay down to sleep.
It was OUR child. The fruition of commitment, love and the blessing of family.
Instead this winter I stare down winter's path accompanied by howling winds standing in the cold.
Yesterday my first born was suppose to greet us, instead we feel death's chill upon us. This one I am afraid weighs on my heart more heavy than the first.
My heart does break more and more each day.
Yet, whatever we desire, feel, or ache...I know God feels more. More power, more wisdom, more joy, and more grief. He knows us. He always knows more: more laughs, more joy, more anger, more sorrow, more patience, more mercy.
Yet, it doesn't change or erase the sorrows that I feel.
That phrase, "...a breaking heart." is more real to me now.
My heart DOES break. I drove actually feeling GRIEF in a physical manner I've never felt before.
I miss you my child.
I miss wanting to hold you with eyes welling with tears of joy, I miss the opportunity to kiss your forehead as daddy says goodnight, I miss most of all the opportunity to hold you gazing into your eyes wondering if you look like dad or mom?
***
Finding the loss of my child, I do feel physical pain. I've been trying not to think about it because there's too much work to be done. But when vacation starts...I know it's like a glass heart: the moments of life strikes it and then a fissures starts this spider web of cracks.
That spider web of crack will grow and then you feel more of each day. I find myself losing to moments of grief. It comes and goes.
The loss this time is great. If things went accordingly to my plans: Michele and I would be the proud parents of two children. Instead, we're left staring into the room with a crib, changing station and rocker with no child to lay down to sleep.
It was OUR child. The fruition of commitment, love and the blessing of family.
Instead this winter I stare down winter's path accompanied by howling winds standing in the cold.
Yesterday my first born was suppose to greet us, instead we feel death's chill upon us. This one I am afraid weighs on my heart more heavy than the first.
My heart does break more and more each day.
Yet, whatever we desire, feel, or ache...I know God feels more. More power, more wisdom, more joy, and more grief. He knows us. He always knows more: more laughs, more joy, more anger, more sorrow, more patience, more mercy.
Yet, it doesn't change or erase the sorrows that I feel.
Nov 21, 2009
Nov 12, 2009
Baby R Us
...ever waited for that school bell to signal the END OF SCHOOL and the beginning of summer?
...ever wait on Christmas morning to get up to presents and the warm atmosphere of the holidays with family and friends?
...ever feel like that scene in Apollo 13 when the entire nation waited to see if the three astronauts would make it back alive?
Yah, that's how I felt when the nurse scoped during the ultra-sound last week and said nothing.
I looked at my wife and we waited. And waited.
I closed my eyes briefly, and silently prayed, Please God, not again.
The nurse check the fallopian tube and then the ovaries on the machine once again. She said nothing. Then she repeated that first scene still in my head when we learned that we had an ectopic pregnancy: constant key movements, and zooming in-out of images of the ultra-sound machine.
Finally, the nurse said something, "Yes...I think we see something." I blinked.
The nurse smiled, "...it's small, but it's there."
We learned we were going to be parents. I blinked away a tear as my throat tighten: a miracle.
Thank you God.
Afterwards I quietly walked with my wife and stared at her face - she was glowing. I kissed her gently on her cheek, "Mother of my child, I love you."
(and that my child is how your journey began: with a miracle)
...ever wait on Christmas morning to get up to presents and the warm atmosphere of the holidays with family and friends?
...ever feel like that scene in Apollo 13 when the entire nation waited to see if the three astronauts would make it back alive?
Yah, that's how I felt when the nurse scoped during the ultra-sound last week and said nothing.
I looked at my wife and we waited. And waited.
I closed my eyes briefly, and silently prayed, Please God, not again.
The nurse check the fallopian tube and then the ovaries on the machine once again. She said nothing. Then she repeated that first scene still in my head when we learned that we had an ectopic pregnancy: constant key movements, and zooming in-out of images of the ultra-sound machine.
Finally, the nurse said something, "Yes...I think we see something." I blinked.
The nurse smiled, "...it's small, but it's there."
We learned we were going to be parents. I blinked away a tear as my throat tighten: a miracle.
Thank you God.
Afterwards I quietly walked with my wife and stared at her face - she was glowing. I kissed her gently on her cheek, "Mother of my child, I love you."
(and that my child is how your journey began: with a miracle)
Jump start
I look at my heart moving casually in this life,
Pulsating dull, forgetting what God has done,
Moving through the motion of humanity,
Let me see through the sea of faces,
The eyes of the One who told eternity to me,
To see the eyes of love on that Hill,
Plunge me deep, to that place once again,
Let me run the distance of that width,
I want to climb the height so much more,
Oh the deep, deep love.
The love of Jesus;
The deep, deep love.
I know there's more than to this life,
Than glittering toys or fading pleasures,
Caught in the net of broken dreams,
I hear the faint whisper while in my darkness,
The strong voice of a God who loves us so,
Oh, you beckon me to come and see,
That river of life poured out for me,
Free and full of grace and all of you,
My heart swells once more to shout,
Oh the deep, deep love.
The love of Jesus;
The deep, deep love.
I see it once again from my wilderness,
A vision once dull, now so clear,
The eyes of my King and the marks of His love,
My heart exalts in Him once again,
There is none so lovely, bright or so pure,
You brought me from shades of night,
Clothed and adopted as a son of light,
Oh the deep thanks of tears begins to flow,
From this grateful heart to the one I own,
You are my King, forever I am yours.
(Written at 4:10am Thursday)
Pulsating dull, forgetting what God has done,
Moving through the motion of humanity,
Let me see through the sea of faces,
The eyes of the One who told eternity to me,
To see the eyes of love on that Hill,
Plunge me deep, to that place once again,
Let me run the distance of that width,
I want to climb the height so much more,
Oh the deep, deep love.
The love of Jesus;
The deep, deep love.
I know there's more than to this life,
Than glittering toys or fading pleasures,
Caught in the net of broken dreams,
I hear the faint whisper while in my darkness,
The strong voice of a God who loves us so,
Oh, you beckon me to come and see,
That river of life poured out for me,
Free and full of grace and all of you,
My heart swells once more to shout,
Oh the deep, deep love.
The love of Jesus;
The deep, deep love.
I see it once again from my wilderness,
A vision once dull, now so clear,
The eyes of my King and the marks of His love,
My heart exalts in Him once again,
There is none so lovely, bright or so pure,
You brought me from shades of night,
Clothed and adopted as a son of light,
Oh the deep thanks of tears begins to flow,
From this grateful heart to the one I own,
You are my King, forever I am yours.
(Written at 4:10am Thursday)
Oct 27, 2009
No matter how you slice it...
This morning I woke up to after twelve hours of driving to a helpless sight: seeing my wife look at me with tears welling in her eyes.
"I think it's another ectopic pregnancy." MIchele went on to explain her theories and deep in my heart we have only a slim chance of pulling this thing off because the doctors already called with some bad prognosis.
I know it's going to be a difficult day for her. It's going to weigh on her mind all day. She'll see kids and she's hearing how everyone is pregnant with healthy babies, but us. This is our second try this year and the first time around, Michele almost lost her life.
I am sitting this morning don't know what to think: it's both overcast and gloomy. I just want to hold my wife and that's it. I got no words to say. There's nothing to say. I know the pain of this prognosis is alright: it means we 'feel' life. Life is of joy and pain - and pain reminds me that somewhere along this blue, and greens spinning globe this isn't the 'end all' of life.
Makes me ache for relief and closure. It drives me towards something, but my heart rests with my wife. I chat with God alot during this time. People offer their best, but there's nothing like knowing God is there.
Yet, I am reminded right now my heart just aches for my love: there's nothing more humbling than watching the tears roll down your wife's face and there's nothing you can do to stop the rain.
"I think it's another ectopic pregnancy." MIchele went on to explain her theories and deep in my heart we have only a slim chance of pulling this thing off because the doctors already called with some bad prognosis.
I know it's going to be a difficult day for her. It's going to weigh on her mind all day. She'll see kids and she's hearing how everyone is pregnant with healthy babies, but us. This is our second try this year and the first time around, Michele almost lost her life.
I am sitting this morning don't know what to think: it's both overcast and gloomy. I just want to hold my wife and that's it. I got no words to say. There's nothing to say. I know the pain of this prognosis is alright: it means we 'feel' life. Life is of joy and pain - and pain reminds me that somewhere along this blue, and greens spinning globe this isn't the 'end all' of life.
Makes me ache for relief and closure. It drives me towards something, but my heart rests with my wife. I chat with God alot during this time. People offer their best, but there's nothing like knowing God is there.
Yet, I am reminded right now my heart just aches for my love: there's nothing more humbling than watching the tears roll down your wife's face and there's nothing you can do to stop the rain.
Oct 12, 2009
Hope
You truly can't live without hope.
Hope is indeed the driving catalyst of life. You don't raise your children with the expectation they'll turn out to be hooked on crack without a job. You don't go to work without the expectation of being paid and advancing somewhere. You don't wait for that email from that cute girl without the expectation of going out with her. Finally, you don't hold out in a concentration camp without the expectation of freedom.
It's ironic in life we live by faith on a daily basis because regardless if you are religious in nature or not, deep within us we long for differenct results, or change. We are built to long for something better.
Yet, if you take God entirely out of the picture and admit life is so much you can control you are living by faith everyday.
Living without hope will kill you - read about former concentration camp prisoners who died simply because they lost the expectation of getting out. Their hope was killed. Or today, people applying for jobs and being turned down hundreds of times are now depressed because they concluded it's over.
When it's 'over' your heart dies.
There must always be hope. Our previous U.S. election was about that. People were tired of the war, the economy and wanted change. They hope for something better.
But there's only so much a man can do. Even the president of the United States cannot lift you out of a personal family grief or even a lost job.
The real question is: what is the true Promiser of humanity's hope? Presidents die and at best your hope is eight years. Companies change and your hope of retirement is gone. Troubles come and boy, do they - where's hope when personal trials and grief rolls in like a tidal wave?
Fact is we need hope. We live by hope.
That's why on a daily basis I EXPECT change and that expectation's strength is only as good as the person you put your faith into. It can't be temporary. No one buys a life insurance policy for five years and nobody makes retirement plans that works until you're seventy.
We need lasting hope, I know I do. I can't live with a mere ten years of hope or even twenty. Life would be depressing.
How about hope that last for an eternity?
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead. 1 Peter 1:3
Hope is indeed the driving catalyst of life. You don't raise your children with the expectation they'll turn out to be hooked on crack without a job. You don't go to work without the expectation of being paid and advancing somewhere. You don't wait for that email from that cute girl without the expectation of going out with her. Finally, you don't hold out in a concentration camp without the expectation of freedom.
It's ironic in life we live by faith on a daily basis because regardless if you are religious in nature or not, deep within us we long for differenct results, or change. We are built to long for something better.
Yet, if you take God entirely out of the picture and admit life is so much you can control you are living by faith everyday.
Living without hope will kill you - read about former concentration camp prisoners who died simply because they lost the expectation of getting out. Their hope was killed. Or today, people applying for jobs and being turned down hundreds of times are now depressed because they concluded it's over.
When it's 'over' your heart dies.
There must always be hope. Our previous U.S. election was about that. People were tired of the war, the economy and wanted change. They hope for something better.
But there's only so much a man can do. Even the president of the United States cannot lift you out of a personal family grief or even a lost job.
The real question is: what is the true Promiser of humanity's hope? Presidents die and at best your hope is eight years. Companies change and your hope of retirement is gone. Troubles come and boy, do they - where's hope when personal trials and grief rolls in like a tidal wave?
Fact is we need hope. We live by hope.
That's why on a daily basis I EXPECT change and that expectation's strength is only as good as the person you put your faith into. It can't be temporary. No one buys a life insurance policy for five years and nobody makes retirement plans that works until you're seventy.
We need lasting hope, I know I do. I can't live with a mere ten years of hope or even twenty. Life would be depressing.
How about hope that last for an eternity?
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead. 1 Peter 1:3
A Brutal Love
What do you say to a sight of the warm embrace of a mother and child?
Does not your heart move to the scene a love story on the big screen,
It surround us so with the love of life that we see and breathe,
Yet the greatest and most mysterious is not the love of Calvary?
The pounding of the hammer, blood down the wooden beam...
It's a brutal love for you and me, it's a brutal love for you and me
Ponder the silence of the Father's heart sending his joy to us,
Only to see the coldness of our rejection and the shield of our illusion,
A collision of two worlds - truth for lies, humility moves against our pride,
While we walk in our sorrow down that long path with death in our eyes,
The Father lets him go to a screaming humanity wanting our ways,
Lift him high we cried, we reject this offering of hope and joy,
Heaven weeps a shower upon the earth to wash her clean,
For a people so desperately lost in a myriad of broken dreams,
The pounding of the hammer, blood down the wooden beam...
It's a brutal love for you and me, it's a brutal love for you and me
(driving in the rain, i could not keep out 'brutal love' in my mind, and want to remember that we must forget a love so mysterious, wonderful, beautiful and brutal)
Does not your heart move to the scene a love story on the big screen,
It surround us so with the love of life that we see and breathe,
Yet the greatest and most mysterious is not the love of Calvary?
The pounding of the hammer, blood down the wooden beam...
It's a brutal love for you and me, it's a brutal love for you and me
Ponder the silence of the Father's heart sending his joy to us,
Only to see the coldness of our rejection and the shield of our illusion,
A collision of two worlds - truth for lies, humility moves against our pride,
While we walk in our sorrow down that long path with death in our eyes,
The Father lets him go to a screaming humanity wanting our ways,
Lift him high we cried, we reject this offering of hope and joy,
Heaven weeps a shower upon the earth to wash her clean,
For a people so desperately lost in a myriad of broken dreams,
The pounding of the hammer, blood down the wooden beam...
It's a brutal love for you and me, it's a brutal love for you and me
(driving in the rain, i could not keep out 'brutal love' in my mind, and want to remember that we must forget a love so mysterious, wonderful, beautiful and brutal)
Sep 6, 2009
Fruit cake and the love of God
I remember getting a fruitcake for Christmas. It's probably on everyone's list of elephant gifts. How many false, "Oh, this is what I really wanted." or "Thannnnk you so much." appreciation acting we've committed masking our true contempt of fruitcake. This strange European tease of filling a perfectly normal sponge cake with reject fruit and letting it firm up with a texture like it's been sitting in a morgue for a year...then giving it to people?
Which leads me to this: what happens if your gift got rejected even more than Christmas fruitcake?
I heard a great point at church today and it DOES relate. Only God can love people. Loving other people takes the power of God. It's not possible to love others without be connected to another source that doesn't exist on earth.
That makes sense: the idea of 'everybody getting along' or a utopian society is a wash, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. We are all made differently and sooner or later you'll get someone who simply doesn't like you for any reason. The world certainly declares our disdain with God and we even let Him know it in our small ways.
God truly loves the world and He demonstrates it daily to us because we as a species shun Him, mock Him, and take His name in vain. Bang your thumb, use His name. Someone cuts you off, bring up his name. You ever noticed we don't go "Oh Zen!" or "Oh Scientology!". Nope, all around the world, it's almost like the whole world convened together and decided to really get God irate by really messing with His name.
Or what about life's events: when bad things happen, everyone goes, "Why God?" but you get a raise, or see the birth of your child, "Thank you God!". Noooo. When bad things happen, everyone is quick to blame, or cry out a deal with God, but once that passes by we go on our merry way.
And that's just the tiny ways we show our contempt.
But God holds His voice, and demonstrates Grace to us, the whole world on a daily fashion. Last time I checked I didn't see a man dying from a hail of fire when the man used God's name in vain. Of course, God takes his grace further with a gift called Calvary. The demonstration of true love: another person dying for you. The gift and offer of life that is entirely without strings.
Which is where Christmas and fruitcakes come together. Generally people consider Calvary an option - like fruitcake.
Of course some people exclaim, "I don't want that gift, I never asked God to die for me." Wow. I doubt if I'll ever hear that type of response in Iraq, "Nice work buddy, but I never asked you to take that bullet for me though."
We don't even stop to ask, why? At least let me really ask God and really find out if this is the real deal.
People take FRUITCAKES for Christmas from other people with that cheap smile yet, we have the idea to reject God's love so casually? Wow. If someone was offering to give you a life-saving liver transplant, and you had the option of that or fruitcake, you'll ACTUALLY take the fruitcake? Honestly! The fruitcake?!!
Yes, it does take a lot of divine power to love this species called people.
How else can you explained loving a species that loves Christmas fruitcake more than you?
Which leads me to this: what happens if your gift got rejected even more than Christmas fruitcake?
I heard a great point at church today and it DOES relate. Only God can love people. Loving other people takes the power of God. It's not possible to love others without be connected to another source that doesn't exist on earth.
That makes sense: the idea of 'everybody getting along' or a utopian society is a wash, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. We are all made differently and sooner or later you'll get someone who simply doesn't like you for any reason. The world certainly declares our disdain with God and we even let Him know it in our small ways.
God truly loves the world and He demonstrates it daily to us because we as a species shun Him, mock Him, and take His name in vain. Bang your thumb, use His name. Someone cuts you off, bring up his name. You ever noticed we don't go "Oh Zen!" or "Oh Scientology!". Nope, all around the world, it's almost like the whole world convened together and decided to really get God irate by really messing with His name.
Or what about life's events: when bad things happen, everyone goes, "Why God?" but you get a raise, or see the birth of your child, "Thank you God!". Noooo. When bad things happen, everyone is quick to blame, or cry out a deal with God, but once that passes by we go on our merry way.
And that's just the tiny ways we show our contempt.
But God holds His voice, and demonstrates Grace to us, the whole world on a daily fashion. Last time I checked I didn't see a man dying from a hail of fire when the man used God's name in vain. Of course, God takes his grace further with a gift called Calvary. The demonstration of true love: another person dying for you. The gift and offer of life that is entirely without strings.
Which is where Christmas and fruitcakes come together. Generally people consider Calvary an option - like fruitcake.
Of course some people exclaim, "I don't want that gift, I never asked God to die for me." Wow. I doubt if I'll ever hear that type of response in Iraq, "Nice work buddy, but I never asked you to take that bullet for me though."
We don't even stop to ask, why? At least let me really ask God and really find out if this is the real deal.
People take FRUITCAKES for Christmas from other people with that cheap smile yet, we have the idea to reject God's love so casually? Wow. If someone was offering to give you a life-saving liver transplant, and you had the option of that or fruitcake, you'll ACTUALLY take the fruitcake? Honestly! The fruitcake?!!
Yes, it does take a lot of divine power to love this species called people.
How else can you explained loving a species that loves Christmas fruitcake more than you?
Random thoughts....
Just the other day I saw a little girl with her mother. It struck me. Hard. It struck me hard: the loss of my child still lingers. The funny thing is I know I lost a baby girl. I can't explain why, or how, but I know I lost a little girl. One tries not to dwell on it too much, but that moment the idea of picking up a little girl that looks like my wife and a little bit of me really tore me inside. Walking a few steps, lost in my own thoughts I blinked away a tear.
I don't feel sorry for myself or my wife, and I don't ask "Why?". Life happens and it's not without reason. I take great comfort in that, but it doesn't negate the sorrow, or loss. Loss is difficult, and I'll never minimize it. Then I think of all the good fathers who love their kids and then get really angry at the fathers who don't realize how big a gift they have.
I'm a girl's daddy, always will be.
**
Ok, I admit it. The P90x system is the most challenging, most addicting workout system I've encounter. I'm not completely vain; I do like being in shape, but the biggest thing is I want to be there for my wife and my kids. If we ever have kids, I'll be way old starting out and I know the average male's longevity is less than my wife. My wife joked if I ever died she'll abandon her organic and exercising way to speed her way to death, but at the rate which we eat, and exercise we should be ok, by the grace of God.
People need to wake up: you can get away a lot in your twenties abusing your body with a poor diet and without exercising, but it will catch up to you. The statistics and studies prove it: you can live healthier, longer and be more happier exercising. Many Americans will develop type-2 diabetes from diet alone. Our busy life-style is slow killing us. (Interesting fact: the Chinese character for 'busy' is two Chinese characters 'kill' and 'heart') Without the proper value of eating together and cooking together we are literally killing ourselves pumping sodium and corn syrup into our system.
I don't feel sorry for myself or my wife, and I don't ask "Why?". Life happens and it's not without reason. I take great comfort in that, but it doesn't negate the sorrow, or loss. Loss is difficult, and I'll never minimize it. Then I think of all the good fathers who love their kids and then get really angry at the fathers who don't realize how big a gift they have.
I'm a girl's daddy, always will be.
**
Ok, I admit it. The P90x system is the most challenging, most addicting workout system I've encounter. I'm not completely vain; I do like being in shape, but the biggest thing is I want to be there for my wife and my kids. If we ever have kids, I'll be way old starting out and I know the average male's longevity is less than my wife. My wife joked if I ever died she'll abandon her organic and exercising way to speed her way to death, but at the rate which we eat, and exercise we should be ok, by the grace of God.
People need to wake up: you can get away a lot in your twenties abusing your body with a poor diet and without exercising, but it will catch up to you. The statistics and studies prove it: you can live healthier, longer and be more happier exercising. Many Americans will develop type-2 diabetes from diet alone. Our busy life-style is slow killing us. (Interesting fact: the Chinese character for 'busy' is two Chinese characters 'kill' and 'heart') Without the proper value of eating together and cooking together we are literally killing ourselves pumping sodium and corn syrup into our system.
Aug 20, 2009
Health Care - address the rising costs first before fixing the system
I believe in a health care tier system that is not just simply universal coverage, but a health PLAN and MOVEMENT.
Money thrown at any problem without some thought and some serious planning will just be money wasted. With the current health plan: I don't like it because it's the SPEED of it's planning and not the planners themselves. It's like Bill Gate's view of charity: you won't get any money unless you show me results and a return.
I know throwing a trillion dollars anywhere will encourage fraud and abuse of the system, that's exactly why I am not happy with the SPEED of the Democrats RUSH to implement this system. Moving too fast without serious thought doesn't happen in less than a year.
It's this 'trigger happy' mentality, like the stimulus package, that have 60% of Americans thinking the stimulus didn't do squat. The true results can't be measured, but people are doubtful and rightfully so. Whether it's Republicans throwing a trillion or Demomcrats we all should raise a stink for accountability and demand it's effectiveness and that entails planning.
I hope the government is addressing the reason why health care is so expensive first.
WHAT I LIKE THE GOVERNMENT TO SEE ADDRESS OFF THE BAT (besides taking some time to think about HOW THEY PLAN TO OVERHAUL HEALTH CARE)
1) For working families (e.g. like a single mother with children with three jobs) I think health care should be subsidized for the coverage of families by the Federal and State government). Any parent working two jobs should be be covered - by the government and tax payers (I'd be willing to see that through). This group should not be penalized when they are truly trying to make it. Children should never suffer from hunger, or the lack of health coverage regardless of their household's ability to afford it. It's our way of helping preserve the family and protecting America's future by investing in our children.
RESULT: protecting America's future - her children
2) Stricter accountability: If you have a history of laziness, and you are not willing to work and are able - no health care. You're on your own. You will always have a group who kills the system because they 'leech' off the system. I honestly believe if you are capable of working and you don't do it: you don't deserve food or health care. Get off your behind and work. Also establish an internal audit system that is done by outside companies, not the government.
RESULT: you don't have the choir telling you how great of a job you are doing.
3) Doctors and hospitals should be protected more from lawsuits with a maximum amount you can be sued for and number of times they are sued. We can't be willy-nilly about bad doctors like Michael Jackson's doctor (what a shame!!!) either. Tighter regulations and regular standardized testing should be nationally implemented. Increasing the number of qualified doctors will drop the number of lawsuits and give credence to a cap-limit on lawsuits. Doctors who are bad should be allowed to bring their abilities up to standard or be barred for life from practicing medicine.
RESULT: less money for attorneys, but lower costs for everyone.
4) Increase scholarships/funding for students across the nation to build up the number of doctors, nurses and workers in our hospitals. If you have someone who truly wants to be a doctor for healing as a career(not cosmetic surgery doctors) you should have every opportunity for it. RESULT: Health care is a commodity and you must increase the supply side to meet the demand. This will offset sky rocketing costs because you have 1 doctor for every 500 people currently and you can raise that total to 10 doctors per 500. RESULT: more doctors, nurses means lower bills and greater access to health care for all.
5) Elderly or older Americans regardless of work history, or income should be able to find health care in this country. You should live your golden years with dignity and care. In Asian countries the children, and grandchildren do this, and China has no nationalized health care system, the point is this: Americans should be able to live their golden years with a sense of dignity. This should be a national policy and will give a higher regard for life. We don't throw away our elderly Americans.
6) A national movement of health and exercise centers across the United States. People are less and less educated about food and exercise than before. I think it's because of our busy lifestyle we don't stop to cook anymore and we rely on cheap, easy microwave food that is stored in plastic that seeps chemicals and preservatives that is slowly killing our body (like drinking a drop of arsenic everyday). RESULT: reduce the cost of health care and the strain of providing health care for 'self-induced' health problems and shifting it to 'priority' patients. Granted, not every case is the same for someone with health problems (some obese patients have emotional problems and they turn to food), but food is only a coping mechanism and not the solution to our problems.
7) Simplify the billing system. Who truly understands them? RESULT: Less fraud, and easier to read. A complex system always give reason to 'false experts'.
8) A paradigm shift of addressing the root of our health problems and educating doctors on the importance of nutrition. Doctors all agree: they PRACTICE medicine. That means sometimes they 'try' different methods and they don't entirely work. Sometimes they throw a dozen pills until they find out it works. I've never had a doctor ask, "You have this rash - what changed in your diet or environment?"
The doctor put me through half-dozen creams and pills and gave up. IT was only a herbal specialist that solve the SOURCE of the problem. If you're tired and you weigh two hundred pounds more than you should - changing your diet and exercising is only the first part, but what emotionally BROUGHT you to that state?
9) View food for what it is: it's to be enjoyed and a source of fuel. We have made food a 'time waster' and something that must be integrated into our busy lives. It's not. It's an opportunity to enjoy food for what it is: eating it with friends and family. I love the Europeans: they sit down for two hours and converse. We've allowed food to be 'cheapen' and we will now allow all sorts of junk to go into our bodies for the sake of speed and convenience. For your own sakes spend time with someone who loves to cook and you'll find one of the deep treasures of life: a meal with someone you care about.
Money thrown at any problem without some thought and some serious planning will just be money wasted. With the current health plan: I don't like it because it's the SPEED of it's planning and not the planners themselves. It's like Bill Gate's view of charity: you won't get any money unless you show me results and a return.
I know throwing a trillion dollars anywhere will encourage fraud and abuse of the system, that's exactly why I am not happy with the SPEED of the Democrats RUSH to implement this system. Moving too fast without serious thought doesn't happen in less than a year.
It's this 'trigger happy' mentality, like the stimulus package, that have 60% of Americans thinking the stimulus didn't do squat. The true results can't be measured, but people are doubtful and rightfully so. Whether it's Republicans throwing a trillion or Demomcrats we all should raise a stink for accountability and demand it's effectiveness and that entails planning.
I hope the government is addressing the reason why health care is so expensive first.
WHAT I LIKE THE GOVERNMENT TO SEE ADDRESS OFF THE BAT (besides taking some time to think about HOW THEY PLAN TO OVERHAUL HEALTH CARE)
1) For working families (e.g. like a single mother with children with three jobs) I think health care should be subsidized for the coverage of families by the Federal and State government). Any parent working two jobs should be be covered - by the government and tax payers (I'd be willing to see that through). This group should not be penalized when they are truly trying to make it. Children should never suffer from hunger, or the lack of health coverage regardless of their household's ability to afford it. It's our way of helping preserve the family and protecting America's future by investing in our children.
RESULT: protecting America's future - her children
2) Stricter accountability: If you have a history of laziness, and you are not willing to work and are able - no health care. You're on your own. You will always have a group who kills the system because they 'leech' off the system. I honestly believe if you are capable of working and you don't do it: you don't deserve food or health care. Get off your behind and work. Also establish an internal audit system that is done by outside companies, not the government.
RESULT: you don't have the choir telling you how great of a job you are doing.
3) Doctors and hospitals should be protected more from lawsuits with a maximum amount you can be sued for and number of times they are sued. We can't be willy-nilly about bad doctors like Michael Jackson's doctor (what a shame!!!) either. Tighter regulations and regular standardized testing should be nationally implemented. Increasing the number of qualified doctors will drop the number of lawsuits and give credence to a cap-limit on lawsuits. Doctors who are bad should be allowed to bring their abilities up to standard or be barred for life from practicing medicine.
RESULT: less money for attorneys, but lower costs for everyone.
4) Increase scholarships/funding for students across the nation to build up the number of doctors, nurses and workers in our hospitals. If you have someone who truly wants to be a doctor for healing as a career(not cosmetic surgery doctors) you should have every opportunity for it. RESULT: Health care is a commodity and you must increase the supply side to meet the demand. This will offset sky rocketing costs because you have 1 doctor for every 500 people currently and you can raise that total to 10 doctors per 500. RESULT: more doctors, nurses means lower bills and greater access to health care for all.
5) Elderly or older Americans regardless of work history, or income should be able to find health care in this country. You should live your golden years with dignity and care. In Asian countries the children, and grandchildren do this, and China has no nationalized health care system, the point is this: Americans should be able to live their golden years with a sense of dignity. This should be a national policy and will give a higher regard for life. We don't throw away our elderly Americans.
6) A national movement of health and exercise centers across the United States. People are less and less educated about food and exercise than before. I think it's because of our busy lifestyle we don't stop to cook anymore and we rely on cheap, easy microwave food that is stored in plastic that seeps chemicals and preservatives that is slowly killing our body (like drinking a drop of arsenic everyday). RESULT: reduce the cost of health care and the strain of providing health care for 'self-induced' health problems and shifting it to 'priority' patients. Granted, not every case is the same for someone with health problems (some obese patients have emotional problems and they turn to food), but food is only a coping mechanism and not the solution to our problems.
7) Simplify the billing system. Who truly understands them? RESULT: Less fraud, and easier to read. A complex system always give reason to 'false experts'.
8) A paradigm shift of addressing the root of our health problems and educating doctors on the importance of nutrition. Doctors all agree: they PRACTICE medicine. That means sometimes they 'try' different methods and they don't entirely work. Sometimes they throw a dozen pills until they find out it works. I've never had a doctor ask, "You have this rash - what changed in your diet or environment?"
The doctor put me through half-dozen creams and pills and gave up. IT was only a herbal specialist that solve the SOURCE of the problem. If you're tired and you weigh two hundred pounds more than you should - changing your diet and exercising is only the first part, but what emotionally BROUGHT you to that state?
9) View food for what it is: it's to be enjoyed and a source of fuel. We have made food a 'time waster' and something that must be integrated into our busy lives. It's not. It's an opportunity to enjoy food for what it is: eating it with friends and family. I love the Europeans: they sit down for two hours and converse. We've allowed food to be 'cheapen' and we will now allow all sorts of junk to go into our bodies for the sake of speed and convenience. For your own sakes spend time with someone who loves to cook and you'll find one of the deep treasures of life: a meal with someone you care about.
Aug 17, 2009
Myths about a Conservative
A Republican Mind - for my kids and others...
I look at politics today and I see too much internal bickering.
I'll be the first to break the ice: I like President Obama and I still do, but I don't agree with President Obama on everything. The things I like about Obama is he has the potential to be the first president to heal race relationships. He was raised by a white grandmother that was very dear to his heart yet he has an idea of what black Americans go through at the same time. He also knows the sacred role of fatherhood because his own father wasn't there for him.
President Obama has a demeanor that gives a sense of dignity and elegance back to the White House, yet he is still very much seen a regular 'joe'. You can see his humor, his love as a father and husband as well. In many ways, he looks more like a president than Bush. There's thing I disagree with Obama, but that's not what this paragraph is about - it's about what I like about him besides Obama is a big hoops fan.
Myths one I like to break, I hope Obama succeeds. A failed American presidential office is a failure to the country as a whole. I am not a conservative who is wants to 'win' by cheering the failure of a political party that I don't affiliate with. If our president succeeds in turning this economy, health care, or the Afghanistan war I'll be the first to cheer him on.
If you are Republican who is hoping for the failure of a Democrat or vice versa you are simply not an American. It's not American to cheer the failure of people. Americans believe in striving towards success. Also you don't 'hate' people in politics. Hatred is reserved for child molesters, rapists and people who exterminate on a large scale where there is a need for justice. There is no political office holder who warrants the feeling of hatred unless it's someone who pulls a Benedict Arnold. Dislike, displeasure..yes. I am truly sadden when politics brings such emotions whether love or hate to a president in Americans on both fronts.
Honestly Bush didn't bring me as much joy as much as my wife, my friends or family. Obama has never hurt me like a bully in Jr. High or the anger I felt listening to the story of a woman raped at twelve by her father-in-law (these are things that warrants hot-anger for justice). It simply has no place: we love our presidents and hate them too much when we've never personally have been afflicted or blessed by them as much as family. I liken it to sports fans. Unless you worked for them or on the team, when was the last time the any sports team CHANGED YOUR LIFE more than your friends or family? So why get so touchy-feely about it?
Another myth: We don't love war. We are willing to fight wars because we believe evil exists. To this day, I don't believe there's a good reason President Bush should have pulled us into Iraq, Afghanistan yes. 9/11 is seared into my mind that evil exists in a real manner, yet today some Democrats don't talk about Afghanistan that much why? As an American I want to win Afghanistan, we didn't start the war, but we need to finish it.
I also believe this: generations of Americans living in America without the sight of Communism, or the loss of freedom have dulled the American vision of what freedom truly mean.
I say this because my father immigrated from China escaping the literal horrors of watching people die simply for being intelligent (during Communism purging of intellectualism - akin to the Nazis burning books). My father told me, "This United States is a great country. You can come here poor, work hard and live your life, raise your family without fear and in dignity." He also reminded me to defend and bleed for this country that adopted us and to be loyal to her because he KNEW evil and he saw evil's hand ( he didn't mean the people of China because he sent back money during the earthquakes in China a year ago).
I don't blame other Americans for this perspective because it's prone to our nature to forget and take for granted what we have. If it's not our country, it's our spouse, or friends. I'm not better than those who forgot, I simply had a father who spoke about it with deep passion because he lived without freedom - and all the intellectualism and debate of why America should not spend so much on defense will never out-debate my father's tears telling me how precious freedom is because he once LIVED WITHOUT IT. I never heard of a poor immigrant coming from a country ruled by a despot question as much as Americans do about why we need to go to war because they lived in world where the government wasn't able to defend her from evil. President Reagan had a huge defense budget and he was accused of being a war-monger, but he never pulled us into a full-scale war in his term ( I don't consider Granada a 'war').
Another myth, I don't believe in the infallibility of my party affiliation. President Bush poured way too much money into Iraq and ignored the economic conditions of the United States too long. As Americans we spend more than we make and he should have stepped up to the plate and say, 'Grow up' to us and the government. The Bush administration spent recklessly. I think Iraq was a mistake because to this day I cannot rationalize with my party about Iraq. Afghanistan was different: children and the people of the United States died. I've also debated with my Conservative friends on many fronts and I consider myself a 'Liberterian' more than 'Republican' now.
In the end, I am holding politics with a lighter grip. It's not divine, it's not a part of the fabric of my being. When I die it doesn't matter. What matters is we all = one day will be held accountable for our lives, our views and more importantly how we love.
Politics are like sports. Lots of money and emotions, but at the end of the day does it make a personal impact in your life as much as we like to believe?
I look at politics today and I see too much internal bickering.
I'll be the first to break the ice: I like President Obama and I still do, but I don't agree with President Obama on everything. The things I like about Obama is he has the potential to be the first president to heal race relationships. He was raised by a white grandmother that was very dear to his heart yet he has an idea of what black Americans go through at the same time. He also knows the sacred role of fatherhood because his own father wasn't there for him.
President Obama has a demeanor that gives a sense of dignity and elegance back to the White House, yet he is still very much seen a regular 'joe'. You can see his humor, his love as a father and husband as well. In many ways, he looks more like a president than Bush. There's thing I disagree with Obama, but that's not what this paragraph is about - it's about what I like about him besides Obama is a big hoops fan.
Myths one I like to break, I hope Obama succeeds. A failed American presidential office is a failure to the country as a whole. I am not a conservative who is wants to 'win' by cheering the failure of a political party that I don't affiliate with. If our president succeeds in turning this economy, health care, or the Afghanistan war I'll be the first to cheer him on.
If you are Republican who is hoping for the failure of a Democrat or vice versa you are simply not an American. It's not American to cheer the failure of people. Americans believe in striving towards success. Also you don't 'hate' people in politics. Hatred is reserved for child molesters, rapists and people who exterminate on a large scale where there is a need for justice. There is no political office holder who warrants the feeling of hatred unless it's someone who pulls a Benedict Arnold. Dislike, displeasure..yes. I am truly sadden when politics brings such emotions whether love or hate to a president in Americans on both fronts.
Honestly Bush didn't bring me as much joy as much as my wife, my friends or family. Obama has never hurt me like a bully in Jr. High or the anger I felt listening to the story of a woman raped at twelve by her father-in-law (these are things that warrants hot-anger for justice). It simply has no place: we love our presidents and hate them too much when we've never personally have been afflicted or blessed by them as much as family. I liken it to sports fans. Unless you worked for them or on the team, when was the last time the any sports team CHANGED YOUR LIFE more than your friends or family? So why get so touchy-feely about it?
Another myth: We don't love war. We are willing to fight wars because we believe evil exists. To this day, I don't believe there's a good reason President Bush should have pulled us into Iraq, Afghanistan yes. 9/11 is seared into my mind that evil exists in a real manner, yet today some Democrats don't talk about Afghanistan that much why? As an American I want to win Afghanistan, we didn't start the war, but we need to finish it.
I also believe this: generations of Americans living in America without the sight of Communism, or the loss of freedom have dulled the American vision of what freedom truly mean.
I say this because my father immigrated from China escaping the literal horrors of watching people die simply for being intelligent (during Communism purging of intellectualism - akin to the Nazis burning books). My father told me, "This United States is a great country. You can come here poor, work hard and live your life, raise your family without fear and in dignity." He also reminded me to defend and bleed for this country that adopted us and to be loyal to her because he KNEW evil and he saw evil's hand ( he didn't mean the people of China because he sent back money during the earthquakes in China a year ago).
I don't blame other Americans for this perspective because it's prone to our nature to forget and take for granted what we have. If it's not our country, it's our spouse, or friends. I'm not better than those who forgot, I simply had a father who spoke about it with deep passion because he lived without freedom - and all the intellectualism and debate of why America should not spend so much on defense will never out-debate my father's tears telling me how precious freedom is because he once LIVED WITHOUT IT. I never heard of a poor immigrant coming from a country ruled by a despot question as much as Americans do about why we need to go to war because they lived in world where the government wasn't able to defend her from evil. President Reagan had a huge defense budget and he was accused of being a war-monger, but he never pulled us into a full-scale war in his term ( I don't consider Granada a 'war').
Another myth, I don't believe in the infallibility of my party affiliation. President Bush poured way too much money into Iraq and ignored the economic conditions of the United States too long. As Americans we spend more than we make and he should have stepped up to the plate and say, 'Grow up' to us and the government. The Bush administration spent recklessly. I think Iraq was a mistake because to this day I cannot rationalize with my party about Iraq. Afghanistan was different: children and the people of the United States died. I've also debated with my Conservative friends on many fronts and I consider myself a 'Liberterian' more than 'Republican' now.
In the end, I am holding politics with a lighter grip. It's not divine, it's not a part of the fabric of my being. When I die it doesn't matter. What matters is we all = one day will be held accountable for our lives, our views and more importantly how we love.
Politics are like sports. Lots of money and emotions, but at the end of the day does it make a personal impact in your life as much as we like to believe?
Myths about a Conservative
A Republican Mind - for my kids and others...
I look at politics today and I see too much internal bickering.
I'll be the first to break the ice: I like President Obama and I still do, but I don't agree with President Obama on everything. The things I like about Obama is he has the potential to be the first president to heal race relationships. He was raised by a white grandmother that was very dear to his heart yet he has an idea of what black Americans go through at the same time. He also knows the sacred role of fatherhood because his own father wasn't there for him.
President Obama has a demeanor that gives a sense of dignity and elegance back to the White House, yet he is still very much seen a regular 'joe'. You can see his humor, his love as a father and husband as well. In many ways, he looks more like a president than Bush. There's thing I disagree with Obama, but that's not what this paragraph is about - it's about what I like about him besides Obama is a big hoops fan.
Myths one I like to break, I hope Obama succeeds. A failed American presidential office is a failure to the country as a whole. I am not a conservative who is wants to 'win' by cheering the failure of a political party that I don't affiliate with. If our president succeeds in turning this economy, health care, or the Afghanistan war I'll be the first to cheer him on.
If you are Republican who is hoping for the failure of a Democrat or vice versa you are simply not an American. It's not American to cheer the failure of people. Americans believe in striving towards success. Also you don't 'hate' people in politics. Hatred is reserved for child molesters, rapists and people who exterminate on a large scale where there is a need for justice. There is no political office holder who warrants the feeling of hatred unless it's someone who pulls a Benedict Arnold. Dislike, displeasure..yes. I am truly sadden when politics brings such emotions whether love or hate to a president in Americans on both fronts.
Honestly Bush didn't bring me as much joy as much as my wife, my friends or family. Obama has never hurt me like a bully in Jr. High or the anger I felt listening to the story of a woman raped at twelve by her father-in-law (these are things that warrants hot-anger for justice). It simply has no place: we love our presidents and hate them too much when we've never personally have been afflicted or blessed by them as much as family. I liken it to sports fans. Unless you worked for them or on the team, when was the last time the any sports team CHANGED YOUR LIFE more than your friends or family? So why get so touchy-feely about it?
Another myth: We don't love war. We are willing to fight wars because we believe evil exists. To this day, I don't believe there's a good reason President Bush should have pulled us into Iraq, Afghanistan yes. 9/11 is seared into my mind that evil exists in a real manner, yet today some Democrats don't talk about Afghanistan that much why? As an American I want to win Afghanistan, we didn't start the war, but we need to finish it.
I also believe this: generations of Americans living in America without the sight of Communism, or the loss of freedom have dulled the American vision of what freedom truly mean.
I say this because my father immigrated from China escaping the literal horrors of watching people die simply for being intelligent (during Communism purging of intellectualism - akin to the Nazis burning books). My father told me, "This United States is a great country. You can come here poor, work hard and live your life, raise your family without fear and in dignity." He also reminded me to defend and bleed for this country that adopted us and to be loyal to her because he KNEW evil and he saw evil's hand ( he didn't mean the people of China because he sent back money during the earthquakes in China a year ago).
I don't blame other Americans for this perspective because it's prone to our nature to forget and take for granted what we have. If it's not our country, it's our spouse, or friends. I'm not better than those who forgot, I simply had a father who spoke about it with deep passion because he lived without freedom - and all the intellectualism and debate of why America should not spend so much on defense will never out-debate my father's tears telling me how precious freedom is because he once LIVED WITHOUT IT. I never heard of a poor immigrant coming from a country ruled by a despot question as much as Americans do about why we need to go to war because they lived in world where the government wasn't able to defend her from evil. President Reagan had a huge defense budget and he was accused of being a war-monger, but he never pulled us into a full-scale war in his term ( I don't consider Granada a 'war').
Another myth, I don't believe in the infallibility of my party affiliation. President Bush poured way too much money into Iraq and ignored the economic conditions of the United States too long. As Americans we spend more than we make and he should have stepped up to the plate and say, 'Grow up' to us and the government. The Bush administration spent recklessly. I think Iraq was a mistake because to this day I cannot rationalize with my party about Iraq. Afghanistan was different: children and the people of the United States died. I've also debated with my Conservative friends on many fronts and I consider myself a 'Liberterian' more than 'Republican' now.
In the end, I am holding politics with a lighter grip. It's not divine, it's not a part of the fabric of my being. When I die it doesn't matter. What matters is all of one day will be held accountable for our lives, our views and more importantly how we love.
I look at politics today and I see too much internal bickering.
I'll be the first to break the ice: I like President Obama and I still do, but I don't agree with President Obama on everything. The things I like about Obama is he has the potential to be the first president to heal race relationships. He was raised by a white grandmother that was very dear to his heart yet he has an idea of what black Americans go through at the same time. He also knows the sacred role of fatherhood because his own father wasn't there for him.
President Obama has a demeanor that gives a sense of dignity and elegance back to the White House, yet he is still very much seen a regular 'joe'. You can see his humor, his love as a father and husband as well. In many ways, he looks more like a president than Bush. There's thing I disagree with Obama, but that's not what this paragraph is about - it's about what I like about him besides Obama is a big hoops fan.
Myths one I like to break, I hope Obama succeeds. A failed American presidential office is a failure to the country as a whole. I am not a conservative who is wants to 'win' by cheering the failure of a political party that I don't affiliate with. If our president succeeds in turning this economy, health care, or the Afghanistan war I'll be the first to cheer him on.
If you are Republican who is hoping for the failure of a Democrat or vice versa you are simply not an American. It's not American to cheer the failure of people. Americans believe in striving towards success. Also you don't 'hate' people in politics. Hatred is reserved for child molesters, rapists and people who exterminate on a large scale where there is a need for justice. There is no political office holder who warrants the feeling of hatred unless it's someone who pulls a Benedict Arnold. Dislike, displeasure..yes. I am truly sadden when politics brings such emotions whether love or hate to a president in Americans on both fronts.
Honestly Bush didn't bring me as much joy as much as my wife, my friends or family. Obama has never hurt me like a bully in Jr. High or the anger I felt listening to the story of a woman raped at twelve by her father-in-law (these are things that warrants hot-anger for justice). It simply has no place: we love our presidents and hate them too much when we've never personally have been afflicted or blessed by them as much as family. I liken it to sports fans. Unless you worked for them or on the team, when was the last time the any sports team CHANGED YOUR LIFE more than your friends or family? So why get so touchy-feely about it?
Another myth: We don't love war. We are willing to fight wars because we believe evil exists. To this day, I don't believe there's a good reason President Bush should have pulled us into Iraq, Afghanistan yes. 9/11 is seared into my mind that evil exists in a real manner, yet today some Democrats don't talk about Afghanistan that much why? As an American I want to win Afghanistan, we didn't start the war, but we need to finish it.
I also believe this: generations of Americans living in America without the sight of Communism, or the loss of freedom have dulled the American vision of what freedom truly mean.
I say this because my father immigrated from China escaping the literal horrors of watching people die simply for being intelligent (during Communism purging of intellectualism - akin to the Nazis burning books). My father told me, "This United States is a great country. You can come here poor, work hard and live your life, raise your family without fear and in dignity." He also reminded me to defend and bleed for this country that adopted us and to be loyal to her because he KNEW evil and he saw evil's hand ( he didn't mean the people of China because he sent back money during the earthquakes in China a year ago).
I don't blame other Americans for this perspective because it's prone to our nature to forget and take for granted what we have. If it's not our country, it's our spouse, or friends. I'm not better than those who forgot, I simply had a father who spoke about it with deep passion because he lived without freedom - and all the intellectualism and debate of why America should not spend so much on defense will never out-debate my father's tears telling me how precious freedom is because he once LIVED WITHOUT IT. I never heard of a poor immigrant coming from a country ruled by a despot question as much as Americans do about why we need to go to war because they lived in world where the government wasn't able to defend her from evil. President Reagan had a huge defense budget and he was accused of being a war-monger, but he never pulled us into a full-scale war in his term ( I don't consider Granada a 'war').
Another myth, I don't believe in the infallibility of my party affiliation. President Bush poured way too much money into Iraq and ignored the economic conditions of the United States too long. As Americans we spend more than we make and he should have stepped up to the plate and say, 'Grow up' to us and the government. The Bush administration spent recklessly. I think Iraq was a mistake because to this day I cannot rationalize with my party about Iraq. Afghanistan was different: children and the people of the United States died. I've also debated with my Conservative friends on many fronts and I consider myself a 'Liberterian' more than 'Republican' now.
In the end, I am holding politics with a lighter grip. It's not divine, it's not a part of the fabric of my being. When I die it doesn't matter. What matters is all of one day will be held accountable for our lives, our views and more importantly how we love.
Jul 29, 2009
Disovery
We saw a fertility specialist.
Michele's remaining fallopian tube is not right. It's not 'ideal for pregnancy', it's not blocked, but could be in the future. No one knows for sure. It also INCREASES the chances of another ectopic pregnancy. There's a chance for pregnancy, but it will be difficult, and after that she must pass the ectopic scenario - another risk.
There are a few alternatives and we are going to sit down and talk about it.
From a personal note - the news is a downer. Michele is turning 37 - not old in my book, but for babies it's getting there.
The time frame of us personally having children is closing a bit more every year. No doubt, I believe in miracles (God can do all things), but there's a part of me and Michele that was truly hurt by the news. I think the rewards of marriage: children and the legacy of family is something every couple desires. This news almost bookends to some old wounds from our ectopic pregnancy (f you never heard of it, investigate it for the sake of your wife/self).
After losing our child in the ectopic pregnancy - I can't help but feel a bit pained by the news. Both of us always wanted children, but now we're in 'no man's' land. We're taking a deep breath as to what we want to do next, but if you have children count your blessing. Walking through this road of questions is painful.
My advice to those who are young, have your children now - don't wait God willing. As you get older your chances are slimmer and riskier. We put ourselves into God's hands. This is a reminder of God's will and resting in it. It's not easy, it's painful at times, but God never said it was easy. In times like this you must truly rely upon God. Throw yourselves completely into his hands and just rest in that.
I think this news today really hit me hard: I've been made to be a dad. Wanting that role. Adoption is our on radar, but we shall see what God has in store.
Michele's remaining fallopian tube is not right. It's not 'ideal for pregnancy', it's not blocked, but could be in the future. No one knows for sure. It also INCREASES the chances of another ectopic pregnancy. There's a chance for pregnancy, but it will be difficult, and after that she must pass the ectopic scenario - another risk.
There are a few alternatives and we are going to sit down and talk about it.
From a personal note - the news is a downer. Michele is turning 37 - not old in my book, but for babies it's getting there.
The time frame of us personally having children is closing a bit more every year. No doubt, I believe in miracles (God can do all things), but there's a part of me and Michele that was truly hurt by the news. I think the rewards of marriage: children and the legacy of family is something every couple desires. This news almost bookends to some old wounds from our ectopic pregnancy (f you never heard of it, investigate it for the sake of your wife/self).
After losing our child in the ectopic pregnancy - I can't help but feel a bit pained by the news. Both of us always wanted children, but now we're in 'no man's' land. We're taking a deep breath as to what we want to do next, but if you have children count your blessing. Walking through this road of questions is painful.
My advice to those who are young, have your children now - don't wait God willing. As you get older your chances are slimmer and riskier. We put ourselves into God's hands. This is a reminder of God's will and resting in it. It's not easy, it's painful at times, but God never said it was easy. In times like this you must truly rely upon God. Throw yourselves completely into his hands and just rest in that.
I think this news today really hit me hard: I've been made to be a dad. Wanting that role. Adoption is our on radar, but we shall see what God has in store.
May 11, 2009
Mother's Day tears
It was Sunday morning, Mother's Day at our church.
All the kids were lining up do their special performance, and I saw 1/3 of my 2nd grade class up there.
One of the girls starts waving in our direction. There she was with glasses, shoulder-length hair, a ball of enthusiasm and a bright smile shrugging her shoulders constantly like a 2nd grader should. She was among my 'favorites' because she reminded me so much of the daughter I might have had. The glasses, the personality and the smile.
My wife looked at each other and behind us: the girl's parents were not behind us but far left to us.
Then I realized it: the girl was waving to us.
I started to wee - I knew in my heart that I lost a little girl. For some reason, I knew it was my little girl.
My thoughts turned to wife: she was suppose to be a mother on this day, instead she would watch other mother's being appreciated and we would be just a married couple.
I knew it was hard for her, but when that little girl waved to me I wept because it was as if God said, "I know your loss."
Through that little girl waving to us, I felt like my little girl was waving down to me from heaven.
Michele wept seeing a girl dancing around the church at the end of the time. She whispered to me, "She's so happy running and dancing. I see our child doing that in heaven."
To my little girl: when I look to heaven - daddy knew you waved at him. Thanks sweetie-pie.
All the kids were lining up do their special performance, and I saw 1/3 of my 2nd grade class up there.
One of the girls starts waving in our direction. There she was with glasses, shoulder-length hair, a ball of enthusiasm and a bright smile shrugging her shoulders constantly like a 2nd grader should. She was among my 'favorites' because she reminded me so much of the daughter I might have had. The glasses, the personality and the smile.
My wife looked at each other and behind us: the girl's parents were not behind us but far left to us.
Then I realized it: the girl was waving to us.
I started to wee - I knew in my heart that I lost a little girl. For some reason, I knew it was my little girl.
My thoughts turned to wife: she was suppose to be a mother on this day, instead she would watch other mother's being appreciated and we would be just a married couple.
I knew it was hard for her, but when that little girl waved to me I wept because it was as if God said, "I know your loss."
Through that little girl waving to us, I felt like my little girl was waving down to me from heaven.
Michele wept seeing a girl dancing around the church at the end of the time. She whispered to me, "She's so happy running and dancing. I see our child doing that in heaven."
To my little girl: when I look to heaven - daddy knew you waved at him. Thanks sweetie-pie.
May 3, 2009
2nd Chance Love
I looked at my wife MIchele the other day and realized something.
You got a second chance buddy.
Sometimes, in life you look back with regrets. Maybe it was something you could have done, should have changed, or wished for something different.
I realized I was given another second chance in life. Maybe even more. I made my share of mistakes, my share of stupid things and somehow, some way I have to credit God with another chance.
Another chance to cherish the moments I've been given.
Another chance to make an impact in this world.
Another chance to be a better husband and push myself even more.
It's a second chance to love, serve, aspire...
I saw that because you are gifted - yes, that's right: gifted to see life anew. Too many times we minor on the majors, and major on the minors and we let life slip away.
You got a second chance buddy.
Sometimes, in life you look back with regrets. Maybe it was something you could have done, should have changed, or wished for something different.
I realized I was given another second chance in life. Maybe even more. I made my share of mistakes, my share of stupid things and somehow, some way I have to credit God with another chance.
Another chance to cherish the moments I've been given.
Another chance to make an impact in this world.
Another chance to be a better husband and push myself even more.
It's a second chance to love, serve, aspire...
I saw that because you are gifted - yes, that's right: gifted to see life anew. Too many times we minor on the majors, and major on the minors and we let life slip away.
Apr 24, 2009
Trials and Miracles
Some may not know it, but my wife experienced a near-death incident.
Her fallopian tube ruptured this past Monday. Never in my life was I as scared as I was.
I rushed her to the hospital and it really hit me seeing her legs shake from the pain.
My wife went into shock and temporary hyper-ventillation.
Later that afternoon we found she had to undergo emergency surgery.
Michele almost died from the ectopic pregnancy.
Every couple expecting should educate themselves on this.
It can happen to any woman, any age, and at any time.
Our doctor said they don't know why it happens, but it does.
It's when the fertilized egg doesn't implant in the uterus, but inside
the fallopian tube. When that happens the baby will not survive, but
it puts the mother's life in danger because of massive bleeding when
the fetal tissue grows larger than the capacity of the tube.
My wife lost half her blood supply because the fetal tissue grew
around the a blood vessel and during the operation they couldn't
stop the bleeding.
Thankfully, and miraculously she came out ok. It has been a long
two weeks, but it gave me some insights.
1) Tell others about ectopic pregnancies - it's serious stuff
2) Life is short, and I almost lost my wife and it made me cheerish moments more
3) When death is at your door, you find out what your values are
4) God has blessed us with great friends, a terrific family and a
awesome home church
6) Buy yourself a strobe light, it'll help you get to emergencies faster.
It's legal and people respect the strobe.
Her fallopian tube ruptured this past Monday. Never in my life was I as scared as I was.
I rushed her to the hospital and it really hit me seeing her legs shake from the pain.
My wife went into shock and temporary hyper-ventillation.
Later that afternoon we found she had to undergo emergency surgery.
Michele almost died from the ectopic pregnancy.
Every couple expecting should educate themselves on this.
It can happen to any woman, any age, and at any time.
Our doctor said they don't know why it happens, but it does.
It's when the fertilized egg doesn't implant in the uterus, but inside
the fallopian tube. When that happens the baby will not survive, but
it puts the mother's life in danger because of massive bleeding when
the fetal tissue grows larger than the capacity of the tube.
My wife lost half her blood supply because the fetal tissue grew
around the a blood vessel and during the operation they couldn't
stop the bleeding.
Thankfully, and miraculously she came out ok. It has been a long
two weeks, but it gave me some insights.
1) Tell others about ectopic pregnancies - it's serious stuff
2) Life is short, and I almost lost my wife and it made me cheerish moments more
3) When death is at your door, you find out what your values are
4) God has blessed us with great friends, a terrific family and a
awesome home church
6) Buy yourself a strobe light, it'll help you get to emergencies faster.
It's legal and people respect the strobe.
Apr 23, 2009
True Love Story
The girl in the picture is Katie Kirkpatrick, she is 21.
Next to her, her fiancé, Nick, 23.
The picture wastaken shortly before their wedding ceremony,
held on January 11, 2005 in the US. Katie has terminal cancer and
spend hours a day receiving medication.
In the picture, Nick is waiting for her on one of the many sessions of chemo to end.
In spite of all the pain, organ failures, and morphine shots,
Katie is going along with her wedding and
took care of every detail. The dress had to be adjusted a
few times due to her constant weight loss.
An unusual accessory at the party was the oxygen tube that Katie used
throughout the ceremony and reception as well.
The other couple in the picture are Nick’s parents.
Excited to see her son marrying his high school sweetheart.
At the reception, Katie had to take a few rests.
The pain does not allow her to be standing up for long periods.
Katie died five days after her wedding day.
Watching a woman so ill and weak getting married and with a smile
on her face makes us think…..
Happiness is reachable, no matter how long it last.
We should stop making our lives complicated.
Life is short
Break the rules
forgive quickly
kiss passionately, love truly
laugh constantly
And never stop smiling
no matter how strange life is
Life is not always the party we expected to be
but as long as we are here,
we should smile and be grateful.
Apr 18, 2009
..goodbye my child
That's why I know a heaven exists.
One day I will see you again, but today I say goodbye to you, my child.
You were so small, just beginning life - conceived and wonderfully made - and now you're gone. I think I am missing you so much because mom and I were looking so much to holding you, feeling your little fingers wrap around our finger, and looking into your eyes.
I was even looking forward to changing diapers, just a bit.
I will miss the opportunity to hear your giggles, to see your smile, and cradle you in my arms as you fall asleep.
I will miss so many opportunities seeing you...but you have to go now.
Go now, I will always love you. Play in the clouds, chase the angels, fly high, listen to the music.. I know God is waiting for you.
Go now, but..remember I will always love you.... my child.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4AtDCVa5xE&feature=related
Daddy
One day I will see you again, but today I say goodbye to you, my child.
You were so small, just beginning life - conceived and wonderfully made - and now you're gone. I think I am missing you so much because mom and I were looking so much to holding you, feeling your little fingers wrap around our finger, and looking into your eyes.
I was even looking forward to changing diapers, just a bit.
I will miss the opportunity to hear your giggles, to see your smile, and cradle you in my arms as you fall asleep.
I will miss so many opportunities seeing you...but you have to go now.
Go now, I will always love you. Play in the clouds, chase the angels, fly high, listen to the music.. I know God is waiting for you.
Go now, but..remember I will always love you.... my child.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4AtDCVa5xE&feature=related
Daddy
Apr 15, 2009
Susan Boyle
Ok it's been 24 hours, and Susan Boyle is still on my mind.
Why?
• It woke me up from cynical thought. A frumpy, single, and unabashed woman with a voice like an angel.
• Bravery. At 47 to be putting yourself out like that - with little pretension - and blowing away people like that takes courage.
• Still dreaming. Against all the pundits, Susan still dreams her dream.
• Gift. To hear her sing, was a real privilege and honor. I don't care how she looks - in this packaged society of always opening the best looking package we are truly misled and shortchange our lives.
• Weighing our hearts. You see her, and you're surprised. What does that tell you about your bigotry, or presuppositions?
If you didn't see it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY&feature=bz303
Why?
• It woke me up from cynical thought. A frumpy, single, and unabashed woman with a voice like an angel.
• Bravery. At 47 to be putting yourself out like that - with little pretension - and blowing away people like that takes courage.
• Still dreaming. Against all the pundits, Susan still dreams her dream.
• Gift. To hear her sing, was a real privilege and honor. I don't care how she looks - in this packaged society of always opening the best looking package we are truly misled and shortchange our lives.
• Weighing our hearts. You see her, and you're surprised. What does that tell you about your bigotry, or presuppositions?
If you didn't see it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY&feature=bz303
Apr 14, 2009
The case for beauty disguised
I saw her.
Susan Boyle, this frumpy, unemployed and ordinary 47 year-old on the television show of 'Britain's Got Talent'.
All the judges, and audience members with me oozed a cynical nature. Then Susan opened her mouth. Jaws dropped as beauty rushed out of the lungs of this woman giving her rendition of Les Miserbales. Even Simon Cowel, the sarcastic Brit, was literally enraptured with the beauty of this woman's voice.
It got me thinking of beauty disguised. How long was Susan overlooked because she failed the standard of beauty in this world? Did not her parents recognized it? Did not her classmates, teachers or neighbors see it?
Then it got me to thinking about beauty and bigotry. If it doesn't meet our standards then we simply write it off. Christians write off people who 'don't measure to their morality scale'. School boys write off girls who don't look like the pop star they see on television, and society writes off our elderly.
This world forgotten about true beauty and that beauty echoes pass time.
The beauty of bravery: the legend of the battle of Spartans who defended against the Persians. It was an ugly battle but the beauty of nobility echoes. You don't hear about stories of cowards, you hear about men who gave their lives for freedom.
The beauty of a wrinkly nun called Mother Teresa who embedded herself with the poor and ugly - serving and loving. When she died heads of states came out to honor her. You don't see heads of state come out to a model's funeral.
BEAUTY DISGUISED
Jesus was just as ordinary. The scriptures said he would have been easily overlooked because there wasn't any beautiful about him, but if you looked hard and have your eyes opened...what a discovery!
Jesus saw you as beauty disguised because he turns our ashes into beauty. He chases the 'Susan Boyles' of today - you and I - except you and I don't even have a voice to draw Him to us.
Susan Boyle, this frumpy, unemployed and ordinary 47 year-old on the television show of 'Britain's Got Talent'.
All the judges, and audience members with me oozed a cynical nature. Then Susan opened her mouth. Jaws dropped as beauty rushed out of the lungs of this woman giving her rendition of Les Miserbales. Even Simon Cowel, the sarcastic Brit, was literally enraptured with the beauty of this woman's voice.
It got me thinking of beauty disguised. How long was Susan overlooked because she failed the standard of beauty in this world? Did not her parents recognized it? Did not her classmates, teachers or neighbors see it?
Then it got me to thinking about beauty and bigotry. If it doesn't meet our standards then we simply write it off. Christians write off people who 'don't measure to their morality scale'. School boys write off girls who don't look like the pop star they see on television, and society writes off our elderly.
This world forgotten about true beauty and that beauty echoes pass time.
The beauty of bravery: the legend of the battle of Spartans who defended against the Persians. It was an ugly battle but the beauty of nobility echoes. You don't hear about stories of cowards, you hear about men who gave their lives for freedom.
The beauty of a wrinkly nun called Mother Teresa who embedded herself with the poor and ugly - serving and loving. When she died heads of states came out to honor her. You don't see heads of state come out to a model's funeral.
BEAUTY DISGUISED
Jesus was just as ordinary. The scriptures said he would have been easily overlooked because there wasn't any beautiful about him, but if you looked hard and have your eyes opened...what a discovery!
Jesus saw you as beauty disguised because he turns our ashes into beauty. He chases the 'Susan Boyles' of today - you and I - except you and I don't even have a voice to draw Him to us.
Apr 10, 2009
Prison row
Found pages from a diary...
Tuesday - September 1
I'm bored, and mad. Sitting in prison here. I hate the guards. They look at me with their condemning eyes and sneer when they hand me the meal. Prison guards come to that place where they look down on you even more with each passing week and they treat you like an animal. So I act like one: one day one of them dropped my meal of slop and I jumped him. I pounded my fists into him and used his helmet against him - I lost it that day. It was building up. Got a good beating for it, and the straw is caked in dried blood from me lying on it - passed out for a week.
Saturday - Sept 15
The beating still hurts, but the guard said something to me that made me want to pull his sword and gut him like a fish: "...good news - you're leaving soon. You got a date with death next year." I cursed him and screamed all sorts of vile things against his family. He laughed it off as he lifted his beer in a mock toast to me.
April 1
Life sucks. I was so angry the last few months. My date with death is coming. I now go to sleep lying in my filth, and recently my tears. I feel bad - what life have I lived? Alone and crying silently in this cell waiting death.
April 3
Not a good day. I just blew my top - cussed everyone out, got the prison all cursing me - even the prisoners. Three guards had to come in and they beat the crap out of me. I managed to pull off a small knife and really jacked one guard in the thigh. One guard took off his hemet and sent some teeth flying out of my bloody mouth. The blood on the stone wall is my reminder...looks like the pattern of a crow with a broken wing.
April 5
I don't want to die. It's scary to be alone. You could beat your chest pretending the world can't hold you down, but I confess I'm really scared.
April 9
New prisoner came in, heard of him. Only stories, but has caused quite a stir in prison. Heard he has special powers....
April 10
The crowds look at me while the sun bakes my skin. Strangest thing, they keep coming back to really rail and just jack up the guy near me. He must have done something bad to really piss off so many people.
April 10 - two hours later
Yeh, religious nut. I'm pissed off too. Crazy religious people have hurt us more than helped and this Jesus is making me mad. I join the crowd and yell with the crowd as they keep up their railing and spitting. It only feels good because I'm scared, I'm all alone and if I'm doing to die....I'm going to die angry and pissed off.
April 10 - one hour later...
The crowds don't stop. Even the people who were there to see me trailed away for dinner, but the crowds kept it up on this Jesus. I see the eyes of some women - they look to him with either lust, or love. Standing there weeping and looking at Jesus.
Can't tell...sweat, blood is clouding my vision.
I hear bits and pieces...miracles...healings...no possible way...
April 10 - minutes later...
I see them, their nice clothes, their self righteousness...their eyes pass over me like a dog, and they stand under Jesus.
They question him, and I sense...they just hate him...and the words they say...I hear nothing that would cause this man to be crucified. No murder, no rape, not gambling...nothing..............
April 10 - one hour later...not one crime. God, here's a man next to me who has done nothing wrong...why is he here?!!!
April 10...
Jesus scares me..he's talking. He's talking to someone about forgiveness...he's talking like an attorney....he's talking like he still cares...even against the bastards who are making his last hours miserable....
April 10
...I can't take it. I'm feeling things I never thought I would. My lost humanity, my heart is doing something. It was after I saw Jesus lifting his head and muttering, "Woman behold your son....behold your mother." It was his own mother here!!! I'm dying alone....my mom died a long time ago because I hated her and broke her heart, and no way is Jesus a criminal. Not the way He says things. He's loving them to his death....
April 10
...no way is Jesus deserving to be here. No way. I've been with him, and he's not dying like me. He's not screaming. He's not begging. He's not cursing. He's nothing like me. I'm crap, I've done it and I passed it around like the devil, but this man...is not a man I've ever met.
...those rumors, those stories....man, can they be true? Jesus, the Son of God? I've given up on religion a long time ago....but Jesus scares me. When you face death men pee, crap in their pants or they fight it like any animal. I'v watched men, children and animals die, but this man is dying like a ....lamb.
A quiet lamb...
April 10..
...Oh God, I'm so jacked up. I'm so lost. I'm scared...I don't want to go out like this. I know I hate myself....and I'm an angry man......I cry silently....
...I find comfort here next to Jesus...the other thief breaks my thoughts...he's yelling at Jesus.
The thief's eyes as are if full of white hot anger, and he spits and judges Jesus. He's just the same eight-year old bully who never grew up and he's just laying it on Jesus. My blood begins to boil...it's so wrong! He's done nothing of death! Can't you see how He is? He loves! He forgives! He actually goes to the mat for those who rail against him! Now you do the same?!!! I can't stand it!!!
I yell at the thief, "WE DESERVE THIS! This man has done nothing wrong! Look at him! He said nothing in his defense! He even tells his mother that she's going to be watched by John! Our mothers are gone! We broke their hearts! We DESERVE this!!!!"
I cry, my tears streak down....I have made a mess of my life and it's almost over.
I turn my head to see if Jesus is surprised by my defense, his eyes tell me something different: love of God. I weep like a baby in my heart and am astounded: in a place of blood and death, in a place of hell.....I find hope.
Hope is next to me. I believe.
I make a request, I want to be where Jesus is...
Strange thing, he answers, "Truly you will be with in paradise."
His answer sends chills down my body: every word soft, but spoken with the authority of the ruler of my day.
Then it hits me: I am dying next to a God man.
Tuesday - September 1
I'm bored, and mad. Sitting in prison here. I hate the guards. They look at me with their condemning eyes and sneer when they hand me the meal. Prison guards come to that place where they look down on you even more with each passing week and they treat you like an animal. So I act like one: one day one of them dropped my meal of slop and I jumped him. I pounded my fists into him and used his helmet against him - I lost it that day. It was building up. Got a good beating for it, and the straw is caked in dried blood from me lying on it - passed out for a week.
Saturday - Sept 15
The beating still hurts, but the guard said something to me that made me want to pull his sword and gut him like a fish: "...good news - you're leaving soon. You got a date with death next year." I cursed him and screamed all sorts of vile things against his family. He laughed it off as he lifted his beer in a mock toast to me.
April 1
Life sucks. I was so angry the last few months. My date with death is coming. I now go to sleep lying in my filth, and recently my tears. I feel bad - what life have I lived? Alone and crying silently in this cell waiting death.
April 3
Not a good day. I just blew my top - cussed everyone out, got the prison all cursing me - even the prisoners. Three guards had to come in and they beat the crap out of me. I managed to pull off a small knife and really jacked one guard in the thigh. One guard took off his hemet and sent some teeth flying out of my bloody mouth. The blood on the stone wall is my reminder...looks like the pattern of a crow with a broken wing.
April 5
I don't want to die. It's scary to be alone. You could beat your chest pretending the world can't hold you down, but I confess I'm really scared.
April 9
New prisoner came in, heard of him. Only stories, but has caused quite a stir in prison. Heard he has special powers....
April 10
The crowds look at me while the sun bakes my skin. Strangest thing, they keep coming back to really rail and just jack up the guy near me. He must have done something bad to really piss off so many people.
April 10 - two hours later
Yeh, religious nut. I'm pissed off too. Crazy religious people have hurt us more than helped and this Jesus is making me mad. I join the crowd and yell with the crowd as they keep up their railing and spitting. It only feels good because I'm scared, I'm all alone and if I'm doing to die....I'm going to die angry and pissed off.
April 10 - one hour later...
The crowds don't stop. Even the people who were there to see me trailed away for dinner, but the crowds kept it up on this Jesus. I see the eyes of some women - they look to him with either lust, or love. Standing there weeping and looking at Jesus.
Can't tell...sweat, blood is clouding my vision.
I hear bits and pieces...miracles...healings...no possible way...
April 10 - minutes later...
I see them, their nice clothes, their self righteousness...their eyes pass over me like a dog, and they stand under Jesus.
They question him, and I sense...they just hate him...and the words they say...I hear nothing that would cause this man to be crucified. No murder, no rape, not gambling...nothing..............
April 10 - one hour later...not one crime. God, here's a man next to me who has done nothing wrong...why is he here?!!!
April 10...
Jesus scares me..he's talking. He's talking to someone about forgiveness...he's talking like an attorney....he's talking like he still cares...even against the bastards who are making his last hours miserable....
April 10
...I can't take it. I'm feeling things I never thought I would. My lost humanity, my heart is doing something. It was after I saw Jesus lifting his head and muttering, "Woman behold your son....behold your mother." It was his own mother here!!! I'm dying alone....my mom died a long time ago because I hated her and broke her heart, and no way is Jesus a criminal. Not the way He says things. He's loving them to his death....
April 10
...no way is Jesus deserving to be here. No way. I've been with him, and he's not dying like me. He's not screaming. He's not begging. He's not cursing. He's nothing like me. I'm crap, I've done it and I passed it around like the devil, but this man...is not a man I've ever met.
...those rumors, those stories....man, can they be true? Jesus, the Son of God? I've given up on religion a long time ago....but Jesus scares me. When you face death men pee, crap in their pants or they fight it like any animal. I'v watched men, children and animals die, but this man is dying like a ....lamb.
A quiet lamb...
April 10..
...Oh God, I'm so jacked up. I'm so lost. I'm scared...I don't want to go out like this. I know I hate myself....and I'm an angry man......I cry silently....
...I find comfort here next to Jesus...the other thief breaks my thoughts...he's yelling at Jesus.
The thief's eyes as are if full of white hot anger, and he spits and judges Jesus. He's just the same eight-year old bully who never grew up and he's just laying it on Jesus. My blood begins to boil...it's so wrong! He's done nothing of death! Can't you see how He is? He loves! He forgives! He actually goes to the mat for those who rail against him! Now you do the same?!!! I can't stand it!!!
I yell at the thief, "WE DESERVE THIS! This man has done nothing wrong! Look at him! He said nothing in his defense! He even tells his mother that she's going to be watched by John! Our mothers are gone! We broke their hearts! We DESERVE this!!!!"
I cry, my tears streak down....I have made a mess of my life and it's almost over.
I turn my head to see if Jesus is surprised by my defense, his eyes tell me something different: love of God. I weep like a baby in my heart and am astounded: in a place of blood and death, in a place of hell.....I find hope.
Hope is next to me. I believe.
I make a request, I want to be where Jesus is...
Strange thing, he answers, "Truly you will be with in paradise."
His answer sends chills down my body: every word soft, but spoken with the authority of the ruler of my day.
Then it hits me: I am dying next to a God man.
Just so wrong
Injustice.
That's a word that really grips me. Maybe that's why I get into Law and Order. You will find some case that involves a life where justice is not served and it just works you up big time. Fairness can be in a grey zone: Someone gets a job, and another doesn't. That's not justice - it's just life. You can't whine about it.
But injustice, that's something to get worked up about. Sixty Minutes, the television program did a profile of this African American who was imprisoned, by an overzealous Texan district attorney. The D.A. had an impeccable record, until research found out 'he cut corners'. That African American lost years of his life in prison for a crime he didn't commit. He's not bitter, but he got injustice.
Today, in history, there's a theme that happens without anyone saying too much about it: a man condemned to die - even though the court ruled him innocent. The judge sent this man to another fellow judge with the power to release him, and two judges concluded this man should be freed.
Even those dying with him, one of them said, "He doesn't deserve this. We got what was coming, but not him."
It didn't happen that way. The crowd demanded this man die and they got their wish. But it wasn't the crowd that sentence this man to death - it was all of us. That's the amazing part: pure holiness, pure innocence and not one defense by this man on his behalf. He took it all simply because justice had to be paid. He paid the price for something he didn't do so I might be absolved of my failings - my foolishness - my rebellion.
Yes, if I'm really honest it was me, us - why we have a holiday called Good Friday.
The Beatles wrote about the world needing love, but I like to add one more word to that need: forgiveness.
That's a word that really grips me. Maybe that's why I get into Law and Order. You will find some case that involves a life where justice is not served and it just works you up big time. Fairness can be in a grey zone: Someone gets a job, and another doesn't. That's not justice - it's just life. You can't whine about it.
But injustice, that's something to get worked up about. Sixty Minutes, the television program did a profile of this African American who was imprisoned, by an overzealous Texan district attorney. The D.A. had an impeccable record, until research found out 'he cut corners'. That African American lost years of his life in prison for a crime he didn't commit. He's not bitter, but he got injustice.
Today, in history, there's a theme that happens without anyone saying too much about it: a man condemned to die - even though the court ruled him innocent. The judge sent this man to another fellow judge with the power to release him, and two judges concluded this man should be freed.
Even those dying with him, one of them said, "He doesn't deserve this. We got what was coming, but not him."
It didn't happen that way. The crowd demanded this man die and they got their wish. But it wasn't the crowd that sentence this man to death - it was all of us. That's the amazing part: pure holiness, pure innocence and not one defense by this man on his behalf. He took it all simply because justice had to be paid. He paid the price for something he didn't do so I might be absolved of my failings - my foolishness - my rebellion.
Yes, if I'm really honest it was me, us - why we have a holiday called Good Friday.
The Beatles wrote about the world needing love, but I like to add one more word to that need: forgiveness.
Apr 5, 2009
True religion
I think it's true.
I thought about it long and hard and it's true.
'Christians' have hurt the message of Jesus as much as the next 'heathen'.
Why? I think simply: we forgot to be the FIRST to love. Some of the worse people on earth are 'Christians' - not the sincere person of faith who makes a mistake, but the religious, self-righteous nut who is no fun. It's that person who is the huge bible thumper and is quick to tell you what's wrong with you before loving you. Case in point: I knew one man who worked with me at company and he was a Christian who was very brash and 'bold'. One day he was in the kitchen talking to another female co-worker who was overweight a bit. Somewhere in the conversation he said, "You're fat, and you should accept that. It's how God made you and you can't change." That female co-worker left the room in tears.
I was appalled and challenged him, "How could you say that?"
His arrogant remark was, "It's the truth, and Christians tell the truth."
Way to go. That'll win the world. I went to the co-worker and wrote to her, and tell her all men were not such numbskulls and told her "God made you beautiful...don't let the world tell you otherwise. P.S. I wouldn't hold much regard for a man who is still single and can't find a lunch partner if his life depended on it."
Jesus clearly stated, "The world will know you are my disciples by your love for one another."
What if you had a cause, but you were the first to comfort? The first to encourage? The first to nurture? The first to listen? The first to cheer? You are the first to LOVE. Instead of getting 'truth' out, or showing the world doctrine, how about being the first to serve?
Most people, including Christians forget early TRUE Christianity was the first to heal: hospitals were started in that manner. Universities were started FIRST in that regard: the first to educate. It was for the benefit of humanity regardless of their spiritual beliefs, their values, their political affiliation...it was simply being the FIRST TO LOVE. Instead you have religious nuts running around soiling the gospel more than helping. The one example that infuriates me is this one church that went to the funeral of a gay soldier who died in Iraq serving his country. That church protested the funeral because of the sexual orientation of that solider. That soldier was more noble to me than those so-called Christians. I guarantee you this: that 'evangelical effort' didn't do anything to win anyone. If they were the first to come along side of the family to comfort and help pay for the funeral - maybe that would be more winsome.
Christians should once again be the first to LOVE. Be the first to buy a coffee for a discourage co-worker. Be the first to help your neighbor or invite them to dinner.
I thought about it long and hard and it's true.
'Christians' have hurt the message of Jesus as much as the next 'heathen'.
Why? I think simply: we forgot to be the FIRST to love. Some of the worse people on earth are 'Christians' - not the sincere person of faith who makes a mistake, but the religious, self-righteous nut who is no fun. It's that person who is the huge bible thumper and is quick to tell you what's wrong with you before loving you. Case in point: I knew one man who worked with me at company and he was a Christian who was very brash and 'bold'. One day he was in the kitchen talking to another female co-worker who was overweight a bit. Somewhere in the conversation he said, "You're fat, and you should accept that. It's how God made you and you can't change." That female co-worker left the room in tears.
I was appalled and challenged him, "How could you say that?"
His arrogant remark was, "It's the truth, and Christians tell the truth."
Way to go. That'll win the world. I went to the co-worker and wrote to her, and tell her all men were not such numbskulls and told her "God made you beautiful...don't let the world tell you otherwise. P.S. I wouldn't hold much regard for a man who is still single and can't find a lunch partner if his life depended on it."
Jesus clearly stated, "The world will know you are my disciples by your love for one another."
What if you had a cause, but you were the first to comfort? The first to encourage? The first to nurture? The first to listen? The first to cheer? You are the first to LOVE. Instead of getting 'truth' out, or showing the world doctrine, how about being the first to serve?
Most people, including Christians forget early TRUE Christianity was the first to heal: hospitals were started in that manner. Universities were started FIRST in that regard: the first to educate. It was for the benefit of humanity regardless of their spiritual beliefs, their values, their political affiliation...it was simply being the FIRST TO LOVE. Instead you have religious nuts running around soiling the gospel more than helping. The one example that infuriates me is this one church that went to the funeral of a gay soldier who died in Iraq serving his country. That church protested the funeral because of the sexual orientation of that solider. That soldier was more noble to me than those so-called Christians. I guarantee you this: that 'evangelical effort' didn't do anything to win anyone. If they were the first to come along side of the family to comfort and help pay for the funeral - maybe that would be more winsome.
Christians should once again be the first to LOVE. Be the first to buy a coffee for a discourage co-worker. Be the first to help your neighbor or invite them to dinner.
Baby!
Well, it was a long time coming. I'm finally going to be dad.
Michele and I found out we're having a baby - now we're just praying for the next 12 weeks to safe.
We are praying for a healthy child, and it's been an emotional roller coaster of ups and downs.
I do know this: I am looking forward to holding my child. Aside from the cuteness of children, the great responsibility and trust given to me as a future parent puts me in a place of humility and awe. I pray that I will be an ideal father, and a good father.
It's with this writing I want to write to my child: I am looking forward to your birth. You are a gift from heaven, and both your mother and I love you very much. We talk to you even when you're the size of a jelly bean, and we prayed for you. We prayed that we might be the parents every child deserve: loving, supportive, wise and encouraging.
We want you to know this life as we see will have it's ups and downs, but there is more to this life than what we see. Look into your heart when you're quiet and away from the distraction of life and you know your life is meant for a purpose. It's meant for dignity and inspiration. Search for it, find it, and do it a passion. You're no accident and not a chemical accident, but woven in love with wonder by God Himself. Do not look for your purpose with people they will disappoint you, but look to the heavens, to the bible and ask God there. Don't seek wisdom from men, or guidance from men, but rely upon God.
Both mom and I await your arrival, but most importantly know this: you are own, and we love you for who you are.
Michele and I found out we're having a baby - now we're just praying for the next 12 weeks to safe.
We are praying for a healthy child, and it's been an emotional roller coaster of ups and downs.
I do know this: I am looking forward to holding my child. Aside from the cuteness of children, the great responsibility and trust given to me as a future parent puts me in a place of humility and awe. I pray that I will be an ideal father, and a good father.
It's with this writing I want to write to my child: I am looking forward to your birth. You are a gift from heaven, and both your mother and I love you very much. We talk to you even when you're the size of a jelly bean, and we prayed for you. We prayed that we might be the parents every child deserve: loving, supportive, wise and encouraging.
We want you to know this life as we see will have it's ups and downs, but there is more to this life than what we see. Look into your heart when you're quiet and away from the distraction of life and you know your life is meant for a purpose. It's meant for dignity and inspiration. Search for it, find it, and do it a passion. You're no accident and not a chemical accident, but woven in love with wonder by God Himself. Do not look for your purpose with people they will disappoint you, but look to the heavens, to the bible and ask God there. Don't seek wisdom from men, or guidance from men, but rely upon God.
Both mom and I await your arrival, but most importantly know this: you are own, and we love you for who you are.
Mar 17, 2009
You're free to choose your Pharoah
Interesting we are a nation of slaves.
We think we are free, but the only thing we are free to do is to choose our Pharaoh.
How many of are in debt and I cannot get out? We were FREE to pick a materialistic lifestyle, but now we cannot get out.
How many are controlled by some vice and cannot get out? Food and now overweight, struggling with health?
How many are in some secret, some lack - and doing everything to chase it down, only to find it smiling like some cruel master as they smile at us as we race with burning lungs?
It's something that made me think: we need a power to free us to get away from this empty lifestyle.
Don't you think?
Freedom is to really to live, strive, or move in an area where you're not comfortable in. It's not about the comfort zone, but the growing joy of sweating with purpose.
We think we are free, but the only thing we are free to do is to choose our Pharaoh.
How many of are in debt and I cannot get out? We were FREE to pick a materialistic lifestyle, but now we cannot get out.
How many are controlled by some vice and cannot get out? Food and now overweight, struggling with health?
How many are in some secret, some lack - and doing everything to chase it down, only to find it smiling like some cruel master as they smile at us as we race with burning lungs?
It's something that made me think: we need a power to free us to get away from this empty lifestyle.
Don't you think?
Freedom is to really to live, strive, or move in an area where you're not comfortable in. It's not about the comfort zone, but the growing joy of sweating with purpose.
Feb 23, 2009
Not his talking, but his doing
Little Anekah and I were playing Hangman early Sunday morning. She's this intelligent, witty and precocious little girl that got a bit of me. I feel like an angel' over this seven-year old bundle of blonde energy. Anakah's smaller than her peers but her personality and intelligence MORE than make up for her size.
She endeared me with her Hangman puzzle: "Anakah loves Mr. Wong." Man, how could you not melt?
That's why kids are such a gift. Michele and I have been trying for kids. It's been 10 months. A part of me wants a daughter of my own badly. I want to be a daddy.
Which brings to me the preciousness of marriage. Marriage as in it's beauty. A covenant of commitment that you promise to stand by the person you have pledged your heart too. I found it more astounding as to how more and more young men view Hugh Hefner as a 'dude's-dream-role' lavishing honor on a 'Green-haven retirement' candidate. What about the soldiers running across the battlefield carrying their buddies to safety? Or that virologist trying to find the next deadly virus before it breaks out in a world-wide epidemic?
Sorry, Hugh is not a hero to me. To me he's a man who didn't grow up. It takes a real man to stick to his job, love his wife, provide for his children, and raise his family to be the next great generation.
I don't think you'll find any single mother struggling to support her children calling Hugh a 'role model'.
I find today, the love between my wife and I is a by-product of something that crosses the realm of what we see, but something that produces something wonderful: a union towards new life. Also, I look at my wife with a growing measure of greater worth than the first day I met her.
Which all brings me to this point I will tell my future daughter or any young woman: don't listen to what he's saying, but watch what he is doing. Girls should never let the smooth talk of some man seduce them, actions always speak louder.
Great men quick spur into action. What woman wouldn't want some man dashing to her rescue with a sense of determination and will? Men without action are usually called 'liars', 'conceited' or 'self-absorbed'.
Man, will I be hard on my boys?
She endeared me with her Hangman puzzle: "Anakah loves Mr. Wong." Man, how could you not melt?
That's why kids are such a gift. Michele and I have been trying for kids. It's been 10 months. A part of me wants a daughter of my own badly. I want to be a daddy.
Which brings to me the preciousness of marriage. Marriage as in it's beauty. A covenant of commitment that you promise to stand by the person you have pledged your heart too. I found it more astounding as to how more and more young men view Hugh Hefner as a 'dude's-dream-role' lavishing honor on a 'Green-haven retirement' candidate. What about the soldiers running across the battlefield carrying their buddies to safety? Or that virologist trying to find the next deadly virus before it breaks out in a world-wide epidemic?
Sorry, Hugh is not a hero to me. To me he's a man who didn't grow up. It takes a real man to stick to his job, love his wife, provide for his children, and raise his family to be the next great generation.
I don't think you'll find any single mother struggling to support her children calling Hugh a 'role model'.
I find today, the love between my wife and I is a by-product of something that crosses the realm of what we see, but something that produces something wonderful: a union towards new life. Also, I look at my wife with a growing measure of greater worth than the first day I met her.
Which all brings me to this point I will tell my future daughter or any young woman: don't listen to what he's saying, but watch what he is doing. Girls should never let the smooth talk of some man seduce them, actions always speak louder.
Great men quick spur into action. What woman wouldn't want some man dashing to her rescue with a sense of determination and will? Men without action are usually called 'liars', 'conceited' or 'self-absorbed'.
Man, will I be hard on my boys?
Affording the cruise
Been awhile since I posted.
Working on a lot of projects, but the biggest event I can blog about is this:
The cruise was alot of fun and everyone should do it.
However, some people might be surprised that someone as conservative financially as me would go 'cruising'?
It's a myth: I'm neither rich, nor a 'spender'. We got a great deal. We have money saved from our investments and our car payments and using a 0% loan to work in our favor. Most people don't realize that all the little 'stuff' adds up quickly. Think of not forking over 20k immediately but leveraging that for a 4% investment account or leveraging that in a volatile stock that clearly hits a 'sweet spot' at $87 per share and in one week turn around 3k with your 15k? Not bad eh?
Off my soapbox: we had a great time and the food was $100.00 dinner meals anywhere in the USA. The food was THAT good.
I gorged on sushi: 28 pieces and 6 sashimi. Port Wine reduction sauce on chocolate molten lava cake. Lamb leg so rich and tender it was like melted butter in your mouth. The entertainment was first rate and the crew was always friendly. Money well spent for less than $1300.00 per person WITH roundtrip airfare.
Jealous yet?
However, I did want to come back to reality. It's true what they say: it's good to be king - for a day.
Working on a lot of projects, but the biggest event I can blog about is this:
The cruise was alot of fun and everyone should do it.
However, some people might be surprised that someone as conservative financially as me would go 'cruising'?
It's a myth: I'm neither rich, nor a 'spender'. We got a great deal. We have money saved from our investments and our car payments and using a 0% loan to work in our favor. Most people don't realize that all the little 'stuff' adds up quickly. Think of not forking over 20k immediately but leveraging that for a 4% investment account or leveraging that in a volatile stock that clearly hits a 'sweet spot' at $87 per share and in one week turn around 3k with your 15k? Not bad eh?
Off my soapbox: we had a great time and the food was $100.00 dinner meals anywhere in the USA. The food was THAT good.
I gorged on sushi: 28 pieces and 6 sashimi. Port Wine reduction sauce on chocolate molten lava cake. Lamb leg so rich and tender it was like melted butter in your mouth. The entertainment was first rate and the crew was always friendly. Money well spent for less than $1300.00 per person WITH roundtrip airfare.
Jealous yet?
However, I did want to come back to reality. It's true what they say: it's good to be king - for a day.
Feb 14, 2009
Cruise 2009
With the economy dragging Michele and i thought it was great idea to take a cruise since the deals were so good.
A good friend of mine, Corey and his wife accompanied us on our trip. That was a great idea: nothing like the added element of having another couple and good friend travel with you. It was a seven day cruise and the perfect number of days. By the tail end of the trip I was ready to come back and work.
Part 1 of 2.
Jan 30, 2009
Blogger Sins
I've committed the first of many blogger 'sins'.
No regular updates. It's like being a newspaper writer with a 'weekly' column that shows up when the writer 'feels' like writing.
Amazingly enough, there are people who commented 'you haven't wrote anything'.
Well, it's time to get back into it for disciplinary reasons.
So, with that in mind, you'll see more writing about life, God and just me being me.
No regular updates. It's like being a newspaper writer with a 'weekly' column that shows up when the writer 'feels' like writing.
Amazingly enough, there are people who commented 'you haven't wrote anything'.
Well, it's time to get back into it for disciplinary reasons.
So, with that in mind, you'll see more writing about life, God and just me being me.
Jan 10, 2009
Sugar Cube
The prisoners often lived on small rations of potato peel soup and stale bread. One day a prisoner managed to obtain a sparkling white sugar cube. He showed it proudly to the other prisoners whose eyes widened at its sight. The prisoner, however, decided to not eat it, and carefully gave it to another who had been in the cell longer and was in more fragile health.
The others looked with astonishment as the frail prisoner also gave it another he felt more deserving than himself. And so it happened that the sugar cube went from prisoner to prisoner, and from cell to cell never to be consumed.
The others looked with astonishment as the frail prisoner also gave it another he felt more deserving than himself. And so it happened that the sugar cube went from prisoner to prisoner, and from cell to cell never to be consumed.