All my life I've exercised.
Grief robs you of routine and lately, slowly I've been getting back into it. I was just thrown off and felt lethargic.
It's a core philosophy of mine. I have to take care of this body and the American diet and sedentary lifestyle is a slow death to flab and health problems. A study reported 1 out of 6 American health care dollars is going into diet/exercise related problems that are entirely preventable.
I've found that going through an exercise routine even in grief will give your mind and feelings a break. The blood will be flowing and the endorphins are just firing and it makes a bad day a better day. For me an active, healthy life-style is just a part of me and not a 'to-do' list. It's just a part of me to be healthy and active because it's just plain good for you.
Emotionally you can drag yourself into the dumps with sugar mood swings or feel bad about your body because you're just plain out-of-shape. I've been exercising my entire life and it makes a world of difference. If you don't respect and care for your body it will come back to haunt you.
Grief by itself is a monumental process to journey, but exercising and getting your body healthy makes that journey a bit shorter. Even a short walk, or a brief fun is sufficient. For me the P90x system of video exercise by Tony Horton has been a tremendous blessing because Tony is crazy and his workouts routine are so full of variety I never get bored.
Even my wife said lately, "Honey, you look good." At least that comment alone makes me feel a bit better dealing with the loss of my father.
Feb 18, 2010
Every good father..
Each week there's a new revelation of insights into someone's inner life.
This week my sister discover a seemingly insignificant fact. The house my parents owned had a underground hand pump system to drain rain water under the house. Apparently my dad never bought a automatic pump - it was a hand pump.
I hurt a bit inside to realize an older man crawling under the house pumping water. To realize it was my father doing that stings. If my sisters and I knew we'd chip in for an automatic pump.
But before you think our dad who passed away was cheap he wasn't. Every single story of eating out, or gifts our dad would insisted on paying for everything. He never allowed his children to sacrifice for him. He had to sacrifice for us. Dad insisted on buying the candy for my sister's class. He insisted on paying the meals.
It reminds me of Peter cutting the ear off the Roman. Jesus had to heal it - there would be blood shed except His. One sacrifice would be glaringly blatant - the love of a God. The love of a Father.
For me, I realize more and more the meaning of sacrifice because my dad wasn't rich. He lived comfortably, but never an extravagant lifestyle. He was a simple man, who worked hard and loved his family.
It makes me reflect how much do those around us sacrifice for us? How much do I realize how much sacrifice was given for me?
It does bring a revelatory consideration of the amount of gratitude we must have. I find this world cynical, and afraid to be caught up in the 'I deserve this' attitude. My generation is so different from our parents where sacrifice was just a code of honor that was highly regarded.
Every good father sacrifices. I am won over and touched deeply about my father' sacrifice and the memory of it.
This week my sister discover a seemingly insignificant fact. The house my parents owned had a underground hand pump system to drain rain water under the house. Apparently my dad never bought a automatic pump - it was a hand pump.
I hurt a bit inside to realize an older man crawling under the house pumping water. To realize it was my father doing that stings. If my sisters and I knew we'd chip in for an automatic pump.
But before you think our dad who passed away was cheap he wasn't. Every single story of eating out, or gifts our dad would insisted on paying for everything. He never allowed his children to sacrifice for him. He had to sacrifice for us. Dad insisted on buying the candy for my sister's class. He insisted on paying the meals.
It reminds me of Peter cutting the ear off the Roman. Jesus had to heal it - there would be blood shed except His. One sacrifice would be glaringly blatant - the love of a God. The love of a Father.
For me, I realize more and more the meaning of sacrifice because my dad wasn't rich. He lived comfortably, but never an extravagant lifestyle. He was a simple man, who worked hard and loved his family.
It makes me reflect how much do those around us sacrifice for us? How much do I realize how much sacrifice was given for me?
It does bring a revelatory consideration of the amount of gratitude we must have. I find this world cynical, and afraid to be caught up in the 'I deserve this' attitude. My generation is so different from our parents where sacrifice was just a code of honor that was highly regarded.
Every good father sacrifices. I am won over and touched deeply about my father' sacrifice and the memory of it.
Feb 11, 2010
Comfort
My sister wrote me an email about a dream she had about our dad.
In the dream dad visited and said, “I’m doing fine up in Heaven. I’m very happy there. Don’t worry about me. I love you all.”
That was such a source of comfort.
Amazing how powerful words can be both to heal, or hurt.
In the dream dad visited and said, “I’m doing fine up in Heaven. I’m very happy there. Don’t worry about me. I love you all.”
That was such a source of comfort.
Amazing how powerful words can be both to heal, or hurt.
Feb 5, 2010
Grief
Grief.
My counselor said I should write - said it was good for me..I suppose I should listen.
I think right now, the sudden loss of my father was deeply unsettling and shocking. I talked to my dad during Christmas and a week later he was gone. To make matters worse a snowstorm held me and my wife from getting there to say goodbye in person.
I ache wanting to kiss my dad's cheek or forehead once before he left us.
A few lessons I've learned about grief.
• Grief is deeply personal and you grieve at the time when it happens. You cannot force it, and you cannot stop it. I am feeling bad I cannot weep for my father at this time, but I can't cry tears. Maybe I'm just emotionally taxed.I know there's a broken heart and there's nothing I can do about it.
• Grief is shocking. You go through denial as a built-in coping mechanism. I had to tell myself a hundred times, "My dad is gone." I couldn't believe it. Then you will go through anger, depression, and your feelings run rampant. Don't be surprised if your feelings don't align to your situation.
• Grief can consume everything. If you let it, it will consume everything like a fire. My wife was a 'one-week casualty' when my grief was so overwhelming I completely ignored her. I snapped out...still fighting my grief but recognizing I have a lovely person to take care of too.
• Grief cannot be dealt alone. You need family, friends and support. It's so earth-shaking it makes your world topsy-turvy. The conversations with friends, family and co-workers is a tremendous support.
• Grief is unexpected. No matter how 'prepare' you are - even if you know someone you love is dying - you cannot truly prepare for grief.
• Grief will touch a variety of emotions: guilt, anger, sorrow, depression, anxiety..you will not be normal for awhile. Many people have come up to me and said it takes months or even years. CS Lewis said grief in it's loss is like amputating your leg. Over time the wound heals, but the loss is always there.
When loss happens it puts life into perspective. For me so far - it makes the view of heaven sharper, but it reminds me life is so short as well.
My counselor said I should write - said it was good for me..I suppose I should listen.
I think right now, the sudden loss of my father was deeply unsettling and shocking. I talked to my dad during Christmas and a week later he was gone. To make matters worse a snowstorm held me and my wife from getting there to say goodbye in person.
I ache wanting to kiss my dad's cheek or forehead once before he left us.
A few lessons I've learned about grief.
• Grief is deeply personal and you grieve at the time when it happens. You cannot force it, and you cannot stop it. I am feeling bad I cannot weep for my father at this time, but I can't cry tears. Maybe I'm just emotionally taxed.I know there's a broken heart and there's nothing I can do about it.
• Grief is shocking. You go through denial as a built-in coping mechanism. I had to tell myself a hundred times, "My dad is gone." I couldn't believe it. Then you will go through anger, depression, and your feelings run rampant. Don't be surprised if your feelings don't align to your situation.
• Grief can consume everything. If you let it, it will consume everything like a fire. My wife was a 'one-week casualty' when my grief was so overwhelming I completely ignored her. I snapped out...still fighting my grief but recognizing I have a lovely person to take care of too.
• Grief cannot be dealt alone. You need family, friends and support. It's so earth-shaking it makes your world topsy-turvy. The conversations with friends, family and co-workers is a tremendous support.
• Grief is unexpected. No matter how 'prepare' you are - even if you know someone you love is dying - you cannot truly prepare for grief.
• Grief will touch a variety of emotions: guilt, anger, sorrow, depression, anxiety..you will not be normal for awhile. Many people have come up to me and said it takes months or even years. CS Lewis said grief in it's loss is like amputating your leg. Over time the wound heals, but the loss is always there.
When loss happens it puts life into perspective. For me so far - it makes the view of heaven sharper, but it reminds me life is so short as well.