Grief.
My counselor said I should write - said it was good for me..I suppose I should listen.
I think right now, the sudden loss of my father was deeply unsettling and shocking. I talked to my dad during Christmas and a week later he was gone. To make matters worse a snowstorm held me and my wife from getting there to say goodbye in person.
I ache wanting to kiss my dad's cheek or forehead once before he left us.
A few lessons I've learned about grief.
• Grief is deeply personal and you grieve at the time when it happens. You cannot force it, and you cannot stop it. I am feeling bad I cannot weep for my father at this time, but I can't cry tears. Maybe I'm just emotionally taxed.I know there's a broken heart and there's nothing I can do about it.
• Grief is shocking. You go through denial as a built-in coping mechanism. I had to tell myself a hundred times, "My dad is gone." I couldn't believe it. Then you will go through anger, depression, and your feelings run rampant. Don't be surprised if your feelings don't align to your situation.
• Grief can consume everything. If you let it, it will consume everything like a fire. My wife was a 'one-week casualty' when my grief was so overwhelming I completely ignored her. I snapped out...still fighting my grief but recognizing I have a lovely person to take care of too.
• Grief cannot be dealt alone. You need family, friends and support. It's so earth-shaking it makes your world topsy-turvy. The conversations with friends, family and co-workers is a tremendous support.
• Grief is unexpected. No matter how 'prepare' you are - even if you know someone you love is dying - you cannot truly prepare for grief.
• Grief will touch a variety of emotions: guilt, anger, sorrow, depression, anxiety..you will not be normal for awhile. Many people have come up to me and said it takes months or even years. CS Lewis said grief in it's loss is like amputating your leg. Over time the wound heals, but the loss is always there.
When loss happens it puts life into perspective. For me so far - it makes the view of heaven sharper, but it reminds me life is so short as well.