4th of July

I admit it.

I've lost some joy. I use to be more jovial, more fun. I'm less. The last three years has tempered my heart, my personality.

This past 4th of July, on the anniversary of our 3rd child lost, my emotions were acute. I almost broke down kissing my niece goodbye. Spending time with my nephew stirred what it would be like as a father with a son.

Michele broken down. She cried alone in our room, and I would come by and kiss her. I don't like seeing her like that. No one around us remembered.

The loss of four miscarriages has begun to blur the days of the year. There are more anniversaries of losses than celebrations. In life, you will reach a point where you feel like life is going backwards.