I woke overcome with grief. Didn't cry last night trying to get a flight out, but flights are all booked out on Southwest, and there's a snowstorm rolling in the middle of the week.
My father died before I could reach him.
I look back at my father's life, though a private man, he was one who truly 'squeezed out every resource' he had.
• I remember as a teenager I would be embarassed walking with my dad because he never bought new clothes for himself simply because he didn't have a 'dad budget' because he had three kids. My dad had a pair of jeans hanging on his closet that he wore for over twenty years. It wasn't designer jeans, it was KMART. It had specks of white paint from old house projects.
Now as I look back he sacrificed everything for his family and he didn't care how people looked at him. I'm sure he was hurt by the snide comments, but my dad never whined about not having enough money, or being a victim.
• Even on our trip out he was giving us money to fly out and fly back, even when we had money to cover. He was giving generous amounts - saving every bit to give to his children. Now as I look back my dad scraped every penny as a janitor, but gave with a millionaire's hand. Michele and I were astounded by his giving during Christmas.
• I remember as a kid whining about toys I didn't get not realizing my dad had a monthly take home pay of $700.00 per month for a family of five. Somehow, my dad was able to pull out toys still and as a child I never missed a thing.
• My dad didn't say much but he would watch the Billy Graham crusade, which gave me a spiritual jump in life. I didn't know my father's faith, but he watched Billy preach a lot and as I look back that was truly something he passed on that will last forever.
I miss him so much now, but I believe I'll see my dad again. This life that is visible isn't the end.
Whatever perspectives we may have of our parents, the moment they leave when you recount their lives you will regret moments of not acknowledging them for what they are and were. I'm grateful I have a wedding album of my father smiling at my wedding - it was the response to my thankfulness for him. His eyes were beaming with pride and joy. He never looked happier.