Psalm 39
12“Hear my prayer, O LORD, and give ear to my cry; hold not your peace at my tears! For I am a sojourner with you, a guest, like all my fathers.
13 Look away from me, that I may smile again, before I depart and am no more!”
Grief for the new believer is one of crossing the border of sanity and insanity, the territory of belief and unbelief, doubt and assurance - this nebulous state of our heart is the revelation that we do not know God's heart.
David's prayers were at times wild - going from defeat to praise. Going from despair to triumph. The prayers were not drummed up religious high affluent prose that theologians should take apart - the prayers were conversation of an honest heart that struggle immensely at times. (David almost slaughter Nabal's entire house after an offense - this was a man who would be the King of Israel and struggled and lost his way until Abigail shook him out of his stupor with words like 'slingshot' that awaken him to that God still had a plan for him. 1 Samuel).
Tim Keller, opened my eyes to the heart of God: he wants real prayers - the place of grief is going before God - investing your tears. It means going to God with your deepest pain, anger, hurt and telling God like it is. Grief is indicative of spiritual depth of a person's relationship with God. For the religious man he stuff the emotions down fearing perceived weakness by others and for the world they swim, and sit on the grief allowing it to consume and twist them.
For the child of God, it's the same as having the worse day: you go to your parents with everything in your heart. You cite the anger, frustration, the hurt. Imagine a child beaten at school and comes home. What parent wants their child to 'suck it up' and pretend nothing was wrong? If a parent heard that they would cradle the child, dry the tears, and listen, comfort.
Why would our God be any different? He's different because I fail to understand his nature and his heart. I can just shake my fist, rant, rage, cry, and ultimately find His comfort and peace. I have fail to realize the heart of the father...Psalm 56:8 "Record my lament; list my tears on your scroll...".
The religious community finds acts of grief entailing unbelief, anger, rage, despair as weakness or even blasphemous (as if God is shocked to hear that from a pained heart or surprised). A little child's heart in grief is always true, without guile and without any narcissist perception of the importance of self. A child will just scream, grieve, throw tantrums, but they are at least one thing more than us: honest. Did not Jesus said the little children have more insight into the kingdom of heaven than I?
In my mind I think of God sitting on his throne listening to my grief like a judge, whereas in truth he listens like a father holding us like a child.
So I will freely now more into grief knowing God will ultimately hold Michele and I in his arms.