We thought were we were adopting. Then a surprise pregnancy - everything was going so well. I was excited, stoke and had the expectation of an Olympic runner wanting gold. You go through all the pain, the travail and you can taste the finish line.
I was going to be a dad!
Then life pulls the rug right under you. I had to throw my hands on this one. This one doesn't make sense. Why bring us through this experience because it's a wound opened up with salt poured into it. I don't like seeing my wife go through this. She has endured so much and suffered nobly. Michele never complained and never was bittered. She always surrender her heart to God saying, "For your glory." A quiet resilent faith like her grandmother Genevive.
Does it make sense? No. I've been wrestling with the sovereignty of God on this one and hit the books on the topic of suffering, faith, grieft and trials. I can bounce verses against the wall on this one, but this one I'm just exhausted and tired.
My wife and I said, "We love you God, but we don't understand what you're doing."
It's easy to get sarcastic - one child lost for every year of our marriage. Since 2009 we've seen a death at least once, or twice. Next to my father's this one is even more difficult because this was an expectation of hope.
Also, I've found truly that a miscarriage is the death of a child. It's just as painful.
The only thing I know is this marriage has to be stronger. Trials can tear people apart. We are determined to grief together. Marriage is not my grief alone, it's OUR grief, OUR burden.